Note: The post you are reading is part of my October series. This post is Lies Moms Believe #5 (Once I’m Wildly Successful At My Side Business, I’ll REALLY Be Someone). See the rest of the posts in this series here.
Lies Moms Believe #5 (Once I’m Wildly Successful At My Side Business, I’ll REALLY Be Someone
The day I turned 25 years old, I became a Mary Kay salesperson. I was sure I was going to remember that day forever. That it would be the momentous Giant Start for my booming cosmetic career.
I want to be very clear. To this day, I like Mary Kay makeup, and I’m downright embarrassed at the total FLOP I was at selling liquid foundation. I have always wanted to be put-together, rich, and classy. I was just horrible at it.
I gave it a noble effort (aka two parties) and accrued a lot of stock in glimmer eyeshadow…which I later auctioned off a yard sale. (Mary Kay ladies reading this: please, do not report me!!)
Mary Kay was one of the first “home businesses” for moms. I know this, because as a child, how I envied my grandmother’s bubble-gum pink briefcase, filled with shiny-white lotions and shimmery, sweet-smelling lip gloss.
Somewhere along the way, someone savvy picked up on the genius of Mary Kay’s plan. And the system grew.
As we all know, it’s not just lip gloss moms are selling.
You can literally buy anything from a mom with a side business. Moms are making a killing achieving trips, cars, and “diamond-level” status off the proceeds of everything from vitamins to stock pots to spice blends, from energy drinks to exfoliators, lingerie, and laundry detergent.
I don’t need to tell you this, though, because likely your inbox, like mine, is filled with invitations to various “parties” (the kind of “parties,” college kids would roar with laughter over). Everyone, it seems, is selling something.
“Epidemic” is the word that comes to mind.
I’m not being critical. I go the parties, I like the products. And, in case you haven’t noticed, know who’s the WORST?? Oh, it’s those awful Mommy Bloggers! They’re always wanting you to read this, or “like” that, or “Trust me, this is a great deal!”
I remember the first time I got a comment on my blog from someone I didn’t know. I summoned Todd to the computer with the “kill-this-massive-spider” tone to my voice.
“Look, honey! Her name is Kaitlyn, AND I DON’T KNOW ANY KAITLYNS!!! How did she find my blog!?? I’m so famous!!!! Do I write her back?!?”
From there (though I have always loved the writing) I’d frequently feel this subtle nagging to “be someone.” I’d set these subconscious goals for myself…
If I could ever post THERE, I’d be it. It would be awesome.
When I make so-much money, or get so-many Facebook fans…
Man, if I ever got published by the Huffington Post – can you imagine??
No – I know this is it. If I finally get 100,000 hits in a month – THEN I’M A REAL BLOGGER.
And predictably, as life would have it – I reached all of these milestones, and more. And each time, it was shockingly uneventful.
I’d be happy for about three days, and then the excitement would fizzle, and I was, you know, “normal” again. I’d lose my inspiration to write, and I’d mope to Todd, Oh, I should give up, and other ridiculously self-centered and nonsensical things.
At times it was so painfully obvious. Jessica, when will it be ENOUGH? When will you just be content to write? You’re always wanting, more, more, more – you just need to be content!
Now. There is nothing wrong with my writing. Blogging is good for me. But this compulsion for success…This about more than a hobby, a side job. It’s about (for me) a desire for accolades, fans, and fame – which I will never get for my “boring” work as a stay-at-home mom.
At the root of it I believe, is something called “Stay-At-Home Housewife Angst.” My friend Amy perfectly captured this phenomenon in her wildly popular guest post for my blog a few years ago. As Amy said it:
“The surge in network marketing companies can likely be traced back to (this angst) as well. Even Pinterest has spread like wildfire as we dream of doing much more than we are…. shaping our children’s snacks into animal shapes, crafting all homemade Christmas gifts, redecorating our homes…This feeling results in over-designed bedrooms and over-engineered tasks. Did our grandmothers all have “themes” for the baby nurseries and children’s rooms, tying in all of the furniture, knick-knacks, wall-art and window treatments? Did they use Microsoft Excel for grocery shopping and coupon-organizing?”
I can tell myself all day long that being a mom is enough, but the nagging desire to be “Successful” hearkens back to me all day long.
And let me be crystal clear, before I get loads of comments from defensive Tupperware salesladies.
It is not intrinsically wrong for moms to have side businesses.
I don’t plan on quitting mine anytime soon. But fellow moms of little ones, we need to remind ourselves of a few things. (I do, anyway.)
- Setting goals in life is great, but we need to accept that Ambition is a blood-thirsty, insatiable force that will never, ever be satisfied. At some point we need to say, Enough. I am happy with what I have achieved.
- The little years are very short. We have the rest of our lives to conquer our dreams.
- The Heroes in my life didn’t sell me anything, or write me powerful blog posts. My greatest heroes did a lot of nothing. Thankless, boring, loving acts that nobody recognized on a giant stage. Thank you God for these heroes who raised me, and may I have the grace to see the humble treasure in loving my little ones like this, too.
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Perfectly said.
Thank you. You are one of my role models. 😉
Thanks for the insights. Contentment with godliness is great gain, according to the Scriptures. We don’t have to get caught up in everything else!
Um, wow. It’s like you reached into my heart and pulled out the exact same things I’ve been struggling with. Not that my blog is exactly a business, just a writing venture. But it’s still about that ambition to be recognized and applauded. It is a dangerously thin line I am balancing, trying to reach people’s souls without letting it go to my head. Thank you for being honest, it is absolutely refreshing.
Absolutely essential, needful, timely and wise word for all mothers who stay at home. Love this post ~ seriously, LOVE it! Thank you for writing it.
Beautifully said. Thank you for a wonderful and very important reminder. Now, I’m off to go spend some time folding laundry and then enjoy the weekend with my kids — away from my blog. 🙂
Thanks for this. I spent 11 years working in corporate America before I had my first son and decided to stay home with him. After about a year, I decided to start a home business. It has been a huge blessing for my family and I, however I do need to keep it in context. I never dreamed when I decided to stay home with my children that we would be able to go on lavish vacations for a very long time. But with my home business, I’ve earned extra income and have earned 5 free vacations for my husband and I that we certainly never would have been able to afford. I do sometimes catch myself being irritated that I could be working on my business when I need to do something for my children, and I really need to learn to let my business take a back seat sometimes. It’s a work in progress!
Yes, yes, yes. Thank you for your honesty. It obviously resonates with many people, myself included. My husband is a big encouragement to me when I struggle with discouragement of not reaching goals fast enough. I think you are so right- ambition will never be satiated. Thanks again for the encouragement to remember what is truly important.
Thank you – I needed to read this today!
As a mom of (ahem) three failed side businesses selling things people need, (they all need these products!) I smell what your stepping in. I loved your statement that your hero’s didn’t sell you anything. I just knew going into each of these businesses I was going to make it big. Even though I hate interacting with people face to face lol. I was going to sell it. I still “sell” some things but more to get the discount. I admire those with sales ability and have found I just have to find more behind the scenes work. Goals are great to have in moderation.
Just came across this on Pinterest. LOVE.
I am a homeschool mom with many kids now, of high school to preschool age. I ran my own graphic design business successfully for 8 years. I enjoyed it and it was good, but I felt like homeschool was much more my passion and that we did not need the money from my business anymore. It took up too much time. It took too much time from homeschooling and being a mom. I quit and I am so happy to be free! Now my side things are writing my blog and writing books. One is a curriculum guide for homeschool. One is a young adult religious paranormal novel. One is a book about homeschooling. These are better for me because there are no pressures or deadlines and they are more related to homeschooling.
Jessica, thank you for writing this. I have had the occasional side job from home, and right now we are about to dig into a new business. We are just beginning our homesteading journey, and part of what our goals are is to run a business from home so that my husband can be here full-time in the future. I am nervous for that very feeling, because I know I have been there and still am. “Life will be better when…” “life will be easier after…” and I run around stressed out and frusterated while the very people that I am wanting to do this with suffer from an unhappy mommy. A part of me knows that what I am experiencing right now comes from a genuinely stressful year and that after we get past a few hurdles, life will be a little easier in some ways. But life is full of stress, and I don’t want to wish my life away. I love what I have and I have to remind myself throughout every day that I should stop and enjoy this moment, enjoy those pudgy feet because soon they will be stinky. Enjoy the sloppy kisses because someday they won’t kiss me so often. Love their constant questions because someday, they may not want to talk to me so much. I have dreamed about living this life all of my life and now that I am here, I need to enjoy it and stop worrying or wanting the next thing to come.