Note: The post you are reading is part of my October series, 31 Lies Modern Moms Believe. Read the rest of the posts in this series here!
I have come up with a number.
60%.
I’ve thought about it a lot, and I think that’s accurate.
60% of my “mental dialogue” as a mom is negative self-talk.
It’s not always “talk,” as you know. Sometimes it’s just general feelings of being mopey, tense, sad, or down because of What I’m Not Doing.
It’s not my fault, though. There are SO MANY MOMS doing SO MANY AMAZING THINGS. And I know about it, because I see their pins and posts on Instagram and Pinterest and Facebook.
They’re making cookies and bringing them to fire stations. They’re scrimping pennies in budget envelopes and saving money for college. They’re running family 5Ks. Refinishing cabinets by lamplight at nighttime. Simmering beef broth, decorating pumpkin cookies, planting fall gardens, throwing family game nights, hosting exchange students, toning their abs at Burn Bootcamp, picking apples and turning them into cider, opening Esty shops, and teaching their daughters to sew.
They’re reading Ann Voskamp, attending dinners, writing blogs, hosting community groups. They’re sending letters to sponsored kids, singing their children the books of the Bible, showing them to pray, packing shoeboxes.
Their kids are reading chapter books, learning karate, riding without training wheels, reciting the presidents, building their own tree forts and captaining soccer teams.
And I have to confess to you that most of the time, when I hear of you Moms Doing Great Things, th response in my heart isn’t, “Wow, what a beautiful fall display you created on your front porch. How wonderful you created something with such beauty! I love it!”
More often, it’s selfish, comparative, poor-me type-of-thinking that says, “Why can’t I be like that?”
But here’s the truth about all of those Impressive Mom Tasks.
There is no human being on the entire earth who is doing all of those at one time.
We simply cannot achieve greatness in 670 different Motherhood arenas in one season. Or ever, some might argue. It is simply not possible.
At the same time, I don’t think this is an excuse to issue a gigantic Motherhood Permission Slip For Mediocrity.
I’m grateful for all of you mommies who are better than me, doing different things than me. You inspire me. You remind me of the mom I want to be. You give me hope, and an example.
But what’s the trick, then? To not getting discouraged in the meantime, to knowing what YOU are supposed to be doing?
Guys, I think I know it. I think I have discovered the secret trick to living happily as a less-than mother. I actually think it is the only way to live, the perfect antidote to the Comparison Trap.
Here’s what you do. When you feel that inside-stressed feeling because you see all the things other mommies are doing, you get alone. I suggest the bathroom, but do your own thing. Get good and quiet. And then say something like this:
God, I feel behind. I feel like I’m failing in so many areas. God, what do you want me to do? Will you make it very clear to me which things you want me to work on, and which things to let go? Help me to hear your voice and to know what to do. Amen.
As a Christian, I believe that not only does God exist, but that He is here and present and speaks to us. Even us mommies, wondering what task to put our energy is. And what he tells us to do, we can do. His burden is light and easy.
And He is the only one we have to please.
If you struggle with comparing yourself to other moms, and worrying about the tasks you might be overlooking, I encourage you to have this little talk with God. We cannot do it all, but we can do what He asks us to do.
And that, in fact, is the only thing really worth doing.
~
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Hi Jessica,
I landed on your site today through a Pinterest Pin and started reading. I, like you, am Christian, currently homeschooling (actually doing online schooling, so I can’t really take too much credit), and also have a son with severe food allergies. I bookmarked your site so I can visit it often. I was touched by your “Meet Mrs. Smartt” post and how you discussed trying to have joy everyday and enjoying every minute. I do believe we have to make an effort to appreciate our blessings, otherwise it’s soooo easy to get caught up in the things that aren’t perfect in our lives.
Interestingly, after I finished reading a few of your posts, I clicked back over to Pinterest and right next to the pin of your blog post I saw something I had to share… I’m a Mormon (Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) and twice a year we have “General Conference,” where we hear inspirational talks from our church leaders. The semi-annual (Oct) conference was just a few weeks ago and there were several talks on joy. After the conference, lots of artistic, creative and talented bloggers (who are LDS) put out free printables of memorable quotes, and of course, many of them end up on Pinterest. I love printing these off and either putting them in a frame or just hanging them on a bulletin board to look at often. Two of the quotes that jumped out at me (and were right next the pin from your blog) were, “Joy always comes after sorrow”, and “Simplify …allow His grace to carry us.” There are several other good ones, but just for your reference, here are the links to both of those printables (they are: http://www.alexamariezurcher.com/2015/03/lds-womens-meeting-printables.html -and- http://courtneyaitken.blogspot.mx/2015/10/2016-general-conference-free-printables.html?m=1). I included the link directly to the site, rather than Pinterest, as I thought it might be easier to find that way… I love when someone with creativity does the work for me and is willing to let me share in the benefits of their talents! ; )
Finally, I got a chuckle out of your last name being spelled “Smartt”, because my last name is “Starr” and from time to time people think I’m spelling it wrong with two “rr’s”. I have a feeling if we lived in the same town we’d be fast friends! That’s pretty awesome to live in the same neighborhood with two sisters — my two sisters live within a mile of each other in the same town (not near me, though…) and I often wish I could live closer to them!
Have a joyful day! : )
Liza
PS: Your kiddos are adorable!
As I read this I was relieved to know that I am not alone and neither are you. I too, would stare at all the facebook posts, watch all the Youtube videos on families and organizing etc…until one day I decided to ask myself, “What can I “do” to be happy?” Along with prayer and deep thought I took a huge step and did it.
Sometimes in life you have to do just that…you have have to “do” like you said.
Put your faith into action and your desires in God’s hands. He will take care of the rest!
Love it! I often feel like an underperformer as a mom. I am thankful for a loving Father in Heaven who picks up my slack in so many ways. My son is (so far) growing into a lovely young man despite my shortcomings as a. mom. Rather than “comparing”, I’ll try to remember to ask Him for guidance as to where I should put my energies as a mom — if I do my part, He will provide the rest. <3
I completely agree. 😊
God has a perfect plan for each one of us who have placed our faith in Him. We need to get on board and stop comparing ourselves to others.
Easily said than done. But with His help, we can follow His plan for our lives.
I am ready to do it!!
Jessica, God is really using you to touch so MANY women’s lives. May you be reminded of this too when you feel discouraged!