This post is part of my October post series: 31 Lies Modern Moms Believe. Check out the whole series!
This is not the first time I’ve gone on a tirade about technology. Take my hugely viral post (published at the Huffington Post), for example. But, this is the first time I am launching an attack on the Beast itself. Facebook.
It’s time we called things as they are.
Facebook may be many things. It may be helpful, it may be entertaining, it may be community.
But I’m going to make a bold statement.
Facebook is not a relaxing, worthwhile hobby.
hob·by1
Simply put, life is too short to let Facebook “friends” ruin your day.
Surely – you would not hang out with friends ALL DAY LONG who were annoying, depressing, made you feel less-than, uncomfortable, or drained. WOULD YOU???
I cannot believe I have gone this long without realizing it : The People I Choose To Follow on social media – these are my friends now. They teach me things. They challenge my thinking. They affect how I feel about my looks, my family, and my day.
I noticed this weird trend recently. After browsing Facebook, I would just feel icky. Grumpy, behind, jealous, depressed, annoyed, judgmental. Seemed like everyone else was more fit, more spiritual, better at planning birthday parties, faithfully gulping down their detox shakes…
And it hit me like a truck –
Why in the world am I doing this?
Insanity, after all, is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I’d finally had enough.
Here are the steps I took.
- I went on an invigorating rampage. Unfriending, un-liking, unfollowing. I have “weeded out” my social media accounts before (as I’m sure we all have) but there was something different about this time.
A clearer mission, really. As I looked through my feed, I examined every line and asked myself one simple question. “How does this post make me FEEL?” If I felt:
- less-than
- better-than
- judgmental
- discouraged
- discontented with my life
- or just generally icky inside
…they got deleted.
One little tip: I usually reserve the “unfriend” option for very severe infractions. You’ve gotta say something pretty darn offensive to get me to unfriend you. Somehow, it felt mean to suddenly unfriend a bunch of people randomly. So – I simply chose the “hide from feed” option. Then we are still friends (and if I want to contact them, I can, or vice versa).
IMPORTANT NOTE: Sometimes, like the classic line: “It’s not you; it’s me.” Maybe you gotta nix someone, NOT because they’re trying to be annoying, but for a number of benign reasons…they are in a stage you wish you were in / they are good at something you’re not / they have something you don’t, etc. etc.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Hey, if you need to unfriend me or my page to be a better wife/mom/friend/blogger, THEN DO IT!
Anyway, after my deleting rampage, I can only view a few dozen people and pages. I’m less likely to “scroll,” and if I do, less likely to get all hot and bothered by what I see.
2. I deleted, and blocked, Facebook on my phone. I never actually had the Facebook app, but would access it via my Internet Explorer. So I used my phone’s privacy settings (following the instructions here) to block Facebook the site. Furthermore (since this easily reversible) I downloaded the free app OurPact which can block and manage all kinds of social media. Lots of systems in place for this addict. Ha.
To be honest, these things are a huge step in the right direction, but it’s not enough.
The funny thing is, even though I can only actually “view” a dozen friends, Facebook STILL comes up with all this content, out of the thin air, that is somehow “relevant” to me. I am strongly considering following in my friend Leigh Ann’s footsteps and installing a new FB account that JUST accesses the “necessary” pages and groups I manage. No friends. No browsing.
As a blogger, I’ve often used the excuse, “I need to have Facebook…” to justify my unsatisfying nights of binge scrolling. Leigh Ann has introduced me to the possibility that I can access Facebook, but not see all the chatter.
The first step, y’all. What is it? (A.A. Step #1). To admit you have a problem. We need to call it like it is. Facebook is many things – a resource, a connection forum, a business tool…
But it’s a crappy hobby.
Let’s get some new ones.
Follow "Smartter" Each Day on Facebook!
Follow Jessica on Instagram!
Want my "Favorite Things" newsletter?
I hate lots of annoying emails, so I won't send them! Just motherhood + life tips, a few times a month.
Follow
I guess it all depends on the friends you follow and like, like you said. I personally find FB to be fun and relaxing because I’ve taken steps to block or unfollow people/pages that do all the negative things you said. For me, having moved across country from where I grew up and with my family all spread out over the US, FB is vital to staying connected and I really enjoy staying in touch with friends and family via FB. It’s a tool. Use it, don’t let it use you, and for me I’ve found it to be a good hobby 🙂
Thanks for sharing your insights, Abigail. I think that is a good perspective to hear!
I keep thinking about canceling my facebook account, but several of my friends (real ones!) have begged me not to because it’s how they keep in touch with me. But it takes soooo long to scroll through everything, especially when you skip a day. I’m going to take your advice and unfollow more of my so-called friends. I don’t feel bad when I get off facebook; I just hate how much time it steals from my day. And it’s not a hobby because I feel like I have to check in everyday or else I’ve got too much to go through. It’s just a time-stealer.
I don’t use mine. It’s empty – I have it for work only. Period. It’s a time suck that I don’t make time for any more. Sure it means I have no idea what family members are doing – but I found myself getting SO ANNOYED that I would find out family news on social media – at the same time as some person they once met at the grocery store. I would just rather not know at all. I haven’t missed it a single second.
I had the same annoyance! I had to use FB to keep up with family as an expectation. Um, no thank you!
I like everything you did to make FB more enjoyable and even usable for you. Great ideas. I just didn’t have time to do all of that. Deactivating my account was hard enough. ha! I have thoroughly enjoyed the freedom!
I need to seriously go through my “friends” and block the ones that are aggravating. I always kind of thought maybe I would help them see the light, (change their minds), when it comes to religion and politics. I just end up arguing and feeling depressed about life. And they think I am an uneducated, closed minded , nut case. Which is soooo not true if I do say so myself!
After looking at my self righteous rant that I just postd, it is clear that FB also causes me to sin!
Lol you are funny Rebecca, that doesn’t seem self righteous at all.
loved this post! its so true, facbeook has become just a bunch of random videos/ads and yet i still find myself scrolling through endlessly when i could be baking or reading a book, or the fact that my bible is sitting right infant of me on the coffee table behind the computer screen.
Great post. Thank you for confirming what many other friends are doing as well. Now we need a post on some new, fun hobbies
I recently deleted my FB account and I’m so glad I did! I know that I have friends on there and I could keep up better with what they are doing if I had FB, but… I honestly don’t feel like that’s a “real” friendship. If we aren’t important enough to each other to call, email, get together and interact in real life, then I don’t think we’re really that close. Do I miss some people? A few. But we’ve started emailing each other and I much prefer that over being one of 128 people who “liked” their post about the funny story at the grocery store or the pic of their toddler covered in permanent marker. 😉 My time is now spent on the things that really matter to me. My (much more limited) online time is truly intentional and I enjoy it far more. Thanks for such a fantastic post!! I hope more people dig their way out of the FB time-suck. 🙂
I know this is an older post, but YES! I whole heartedly agree. I deactivated my account 2 years ago, although there are times where I am still able to log in and each time I get sucked in just like old times. the clincher for me two years ago was that I was sitting and watching an argument between two classmates that I hadn’t seen in 15 years scroll over my news feed and my young children were playing in the other room, didn’t know what my husband was doing and I had an epiphany that here I was reading this when I could be spending time with family. I think FB can all too many times become an area of idolatry because I never had time to read my bible but who knows how many hours a week I was spending on facebook. It left me feeling jealous, irritated and grumpy. I hated the family bragging, arguments especially politics related. I even asked my family to please contact me outside of FB so I could do better at avoiding it. I do think other sites can be just as bad, such as pinterest, but pinterest doesn’t leave me feeling discontent, angry and grumpy. I do need to manage my time in a way that brings glory to God, but pinterest has ENHANCED my life. I’ve learned how to make things, been more creative with school projects, found awesome decor ideas, felt closer to God by reading other peoples experiences and improved my health by reading other peoples experiences and discovering all my problems are food allergies. So while any site could become a problem or time such, nothing makes me feel like facebook did and I wish more people would consider dropping it. It feels so wonderful!
I totally get that, Christy! Good input!