Note: The post you are reading is part of my October series, 31 Lies Modern Moms Believe. Read the rest of the posts in this series here!
Lie #7: If I Don’t Throw An Elaborate Birthday Party For My Kids, I’m A Huge Failure
Part of the reason I chose the “31 Lies” concept for my series this year is because I think it’s good to point out how our culture has gone totally bananas in one way or another, without even realizing it!
That silly old story about how you can boil a frog in a pot, because he doesn’t notice the water changing…So cliche, but so true! It’s helpful to take a proverbial “step back” and look at things. Then often you realize, Woah. The way we do things in America is coo-coo for cocoa puffs.
Take children’s birthday parties, for example.
To plan for this post, I hopped over to Pinterest (where every upstanding mom does her birthday research, of course), and I simply typed “kids birthday party” in the search bar.
OHMYGOODNESS.
My heart rate is still descending.
In a mere 23 seconds of scrolling, I saw the following:
- marshmallows decorated like tutus
- cardboard boxes transformed into life-sized go-karts
- some sort of system to fill YOUR CHILD’S ENTIRE ROOM with helium balloons (I guess as a morning surprise? My kids would be scared out of their minds.)
- 32 cupcakes, in seven varying shades of green to form the “very hungry caterpillar”
- a technique to turn a watermelon into a monstrous dinosaur (that was, quite honestly, terrifying)
While you’re letting that all sink in, I’d like to share some memories from a few of my birthdays:
- I asked Mom to make chicken casserole for dinner. (Some things never change…throw bread crumbs and cheese on anything, and I’ll eat it.)
- I went to a mall with my cousin and got a new pink sweater.
- I went to dinner to a fancy restaurant with JUST my mom and dad when I was twelve. (And they gave me a “True Love Waits Ring,” which is kind of cheesy…but also cute, right?)
- I always had jello cake. I don’t even want to know what Food Babe has to say about Jello Cakes, but they sure were delicious. Had ’em every year.
And that about covers most of the highlights.
Oh, but I left out a few crucial facts:
- I loved every birthday I had.
- My parents were wonderful parents.
- I have wonderful memories from growing up.
Strangely absent from my birthday parties were: any sort of theme, large groups of random friends (we mostly just had family), snacks in any shape other than the Normal Shape in which that snack is typically eaten, or even games. (It was weird. We just sort of…played. Odd, I know.)
It was just kind of…a get-together. With normal food. And 1-2 presents, always carefully thought out.
Can I confess something to you?
When one of my children’s parties are coming up…I start to dread it. It’s a date on the calendar that looms at me.
What’s the theme? What food will you make? What games? Should you send home prizes? How in the world will you make a cute cake, when you have never, actually EVER made a cute cake, but obviously you have to, because that’s what moms do??!
(Etc. etc.)
And y’all, there’s something about that that’s a crying shame.
MY CHILD IS A YEAR OLDER.
I HAVE BEEN GIVEN THIS BEAUTIFUL GIFT OF A CHILD TO CELEBRATE. To love, to treasure, to thank the Lord above for every nook and cranny of their delicious little personalities. And, to tell them that they are loved. Call me crazy, but isn’t that, after all, what birthdays are for?
Now you listen.
If you are creative, and speak “party” as your love language, do not take this as judgment. Some people love throwing parties. They are gifted at carving Elsa and Anna into the sides of cantaloupes. Like my sister-in-law, who really should quit her day job and become a party planner. (Yes, Helen, I’m talking to you.)
If this is your thing, and you enjoy it, then don’t take this as a personal affront.
I do think, however, that it is high time around here to ask ourselves a few brief questions before, you know, Pinterest-ing our top 10 theme ideas. Questions like:
- WHY am I doing what I’m doing? What would my CHILD really enjoy?
- What am I thankful for about this child?
- What’s my child’s personality, and what kind of day would make him/her feel loved?
- How do I want to ENJOY this day, celebrating the gift that is this child?
And I just want to make a statement, here in my little corner of the Blogosphere.
If you “just” have a normal dinner, and a plain old cake, a present, and “just” your family at a child’s birthday party, this birthday was not a failure. You are not a failure.
Do you hear me? Not a failure.
Show them love. Tell them how thrilled to the moon and back you are they’re yours. Make the day a *little* different.
And then, mama?
You’ve done enough.
Note: The post you are reading is part of my October series, 31 Lies Modern Moms Believe. Read the rest of the posts in this series here!
Note: The post you are reading is part of my October series, 31 Lies Modern Moms Believe. Read the rest of the posts in this series here!
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I LOVE this post!!! I completely agree and have had the same thoughts and questions as you about the elaborateness of today’s birthday parties. Mine always consisted of me and my two best friends over for a sleepover. And we just “played” and stayed up as late as possible. And there was a cake and presents. The end! And it was the best! I’ve even recreated it with them as adults just because I missed it so much. Haha. My first “party” if you want to call it that was for my 18th birthday when we actually had boys over too! But again we just played volleyball in the yard. My parents cooked out for us. And we just had cake, presents, and hung out. I went all out for my sons 1st birthday but that’s kind of silly because he didn’t know what was going on and I had to open up all the presents. I’m debating on keeping yearly birthdays simple and maybe doing something extra fun (that he can weigh in on) for the bigger ones (5, 10, 13, 16, 18). And yay for less stress if you’re not a real party planner type. You can actually enjoy the time with your child a little more :). Just my opinion 🙂
I agree with you. Our girls get a party with friends on the odd years, which means I only plan one special event each summer (they’re three years apart). Typically, we hang out at the pool, have some cake, and open a few presents. Low-key is my style. 🙂
Wow, thank you so much for justifying all of us who don’t care to plan enormous shindigs for our kids. I also have been to a few too many parties for little kids and all the parents attend, too. I almost feel guilty showing up b/c i know how much work the mom has gone to in entertaining 3+ ppl for each family. I can’t do it, don’t want to do it, and we just have family, with the exception of my oldest son’s first birthday when we invited FAR. TOO. MANY. PEOPLE. And it was horribly stressful. I never have themes. I rarely have decorations. I do make cakes, but they are awful looking (but usually quite edible!) We have presents and the boys play outside with their grandparents and possibly aunts. I can’t imagine celebrating any other way. But every time I get an invite for one of my kids (or myself) for what I know will be an elaborately huge birthday party, I cringe!
P.S. Jessica, I think you and I would be very good friends in real life. Love your blog.
I agree with this post…except if you absolutely love planning parties and look forward to it each year =). Jess you’ll know who wrote this! We used to entertain a few times a year pre-kid and this is our way to keep hosting parties for friends while at the same time letting the kids play and me getting my crafty fix for the year. I do tend to get carried away though so have to limit myself to 2-3 pinterest ideas!! I like having a game or two but just letting the kids play and hanging out with the adults. I do agree that if parties are a stressful thing for you, they aren’t worth spending the time on though.
I use my oldest son’s birthday as our big party of the year too. It is a wonderful excuse to invite lots of friends and family over. I try to keep it pretty low-key just so everyone can enjoy talking to one another while the kids ran around the backyard.
I agree too…regardless of whether or not party planning is YOUR thing there is so much pressure to be “Pinterest Perfect” these days and that is definitely a bit stressful! I love planning parties (the themes, colors, crafts, decor, sweets, food etc) it just gets me giddy! But the finances of the whole thing are the biggest burden! Throwing a blowout party each year is beyond excessive…I love the idea of just celebrating the BIG birthdays! That’s what we did growing up and it worked out wonderfully 🙂 I categorize the 1st birthday as a “big” one in my book though bc, let’s be honest, it’s a victory for you (mom) too! That first year is worth celebrating!
Good article. Don’t ever feel guilty for not going all out for your children, when it comes to “stuff”. They will feel just as loved with less. And be happy when you have a friend or relaitive that enjoys entertaining!! We all have different gifts, abilities and levels of income.
Here’s my response. In a nutshell? It really is each to their own 🙂 http://latteslacedwithgrace.com/2015/06/11/each-to-their-own-my-response-to-the-birthday-party-guidelines-blog-post-that-went-viral/
Exactly! I am in the process of planning my daughter’s party, and while I do love to plan and be creative and fun, I don’t want to get carried away with appearances, the guest list, the zillion ideas on Pinterest, and what other people think. I do want my children to feel special, but I try to do that every day. I also want them to know that it isn’t ALL about them and stress myself out so much that I don’t enjoy my children’s special day.
About a year late replying to this but just found this blog (ironically, via Pinterest). I could not agree more. Have you been sued by the bounce house people yet? Special dinner request, cake, presents, and done. Sometimes we do sleepovers with pizza and always regret it (they broke a ceiling fan with a volleyball one year). With three birthdays in eight days in January, it’s just not sustainable and I don’t think they care one way or another based on surveys.
I completely agree with you Jessica. Parties have gotten away from what really matters. I consider myself a “go against the grain” kind of Mom. We have 4 kids. I make their birthday cakes from scratch and ice them with whichever design our kids choose. That is our birthday gift to each of our kids and they are thrilled with that. They can have a little party at our house with a few friends invited and we have a family party… nothing extravagant but lots of food and important relationships. I think our generation is starting to fight back against this nonsense of extravagance and adopting the idea that we need to get back to the roots of what is really important, family, friends, relationships and spending time together.