No one ever forgets their first positive pregnancy test. No matter what happens after. No matter what happened before. No mom, ever, anywhere, where forget the solitary moment in the bathroom, the gush of emotions (sometimes mixed?) the memory locked down forever, the beginning of motherhood.
Todd and I had been married a year – literally, just celebrated our first anniversary, with no plans to start our family yet. I was about to begin another year of teaching junior high English. He had a job he didn’t love, that wasn’t paying nearly enough for a single family income.
I had been having these…pains. One night after work I stopped by the grocery store to pick up a few things. I remember talking to my mom on the phone while browsing the cereal aisle.
“Mom, I keep having these weird pains in my stomach. It’s like I have gas, but I don’t have gas. I can’t figure out what it is. Should I eat more fiber? Less fiber?”
And I’ll never forget her answer. “I think you should buy a pregnancy test.” You could almost hear the giddy smile over the phone.
Of course I told her she was ridiculous. And then bought the test. I remember buying a Clearblue test, because I thought, I don’t want some chincy, cheap-o test giving me the wrong answer. I want the real thing.
I remember walking in the door to an empty house, just knowing: “Something feels so weird in my body. There is something going on. I am going to take this stupid test, because I have to know.”
And of course, it was the most positive of any positive test I’ve ever taken. I collapsed on the floor. I was happy, I was overwhelmed, I was shaking…I was happy. But oh my goodness, what were we going to do????
I hadn’t planned on seeing Todd until very late that night because he had some meetings. But of course, I couldn’t wait. I called him and somehow arranged that we would meet in the parking lot of a local restaurant, Cheeseburgers In Paradise. And so, rush hour traffic, muggy, steamy parking lot, I walked to his car and somehow stumbled out the words, “Todd, I’m pregnant.”
I was terrified of what he was going to say, and I will never, ever forget it. “That’s awesome! No way!” And he gave me a big hug and kiss.
Driving back to my house, I remember rounding the corner to my street when the song “Today Is The Day” by Lincoln Brewster played on the radio. I felt like it was a message straight for me:
I won’t worry about tomorrow
Where you lead me, I will follow
I’m trusting in what you say
Today is the day
I honestly believed – still believe – it was playing for me. You know those times? I felt like it would all be okay.
And then, because I had to tell someone else, I stuffed the pregnancy test (which seems incredibly gross as I say it) in my purse and headed to my parents house. When my sister and I were alone, I pulled it out and asked, “So, what does this mean?” (or something else dumb).
She went crazy, as she was four months pregnant. Our little boys are now such good buddies, and I often think, how perfect that God planned Sam to be born when he was, and that Sam is Sam. I wouldn’t change it for the world.
It was crazy, it was overwhelming, it was the worst timing...but it was the perfect time.
I was selected for this opportunity as a member of Clever Girls and the content and opinions expressed here are all my own.
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