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Isn’t it funny where the odd places where Life teaches you lessons? I can read 57 marriage blogs and it all drips off me like rain on an umbrella.
And then I plop down innoculously to waste a mindless hour of television, and for weeks can’t get the example I saw out of my head.
And yes, I mean the habits and lessons I’ve learned from Chip and Joanna Gaines, the adorably entertaining duo from HGTV’s Fixer Upper.
Of course it begs to be mentioned before I go further… Joanna Gaines is annoyingly perfect. The P.E.R.F.E.C.T outfits for an obnoxiously perfect body, always! (with all those kids!?) And her design style. {*swoon!*} I’m pretty sure Pottery Barn execs are watching these shows in their basements, hurriedly sketching out designs for next season’s trends. Or if they aren’t, they should be.
Women everywhere are clearly digging the style, and the Gaines’ business is exploding. Along with hosting one of HGTV’s top-rated shows, the Gaines are opening a mega retail store in their hometown. Joanna has her own furniture line, a bed and breakfast, and of course, the couple’s biography, The Magnolia Story, is just out! (This last one I know from stalking following her Instagram account.)
She’s like the homecoming queen you want to hate, but she’s so stinkin’ nice you just can’t.
And I know this sounds crazy…But sometimes? Sometimes I watch this home renovation show with contractors and countertop redos and bathroom upgrades…and somehow I end up learning these mega-life lessons.
See, Joanna – she teaches me things.
I mean sure – I’ve learned that shiplap is awesome, that fresh plants make a room, that overalls can be adorable, and WHAT IN THE WORLD BRAND OF JEANS DOES THIS WOMAN WEAR because they always look amazing??? (It’s Citizen, in case you’ve wondered. 10 Stalker Points for your truly.)
But aside from these obviously important lessons, there are a few more. These are the ones I’m really grateful for.
- Lesson #1: If you make your man feel like a million bucks, he will move mountains for you. If you’ve watched the show’s promo, you’ve probably noticed the part where Chip’s moving some massive object and Joanna chirps, “Look how strong he is!” There’s another clip where Chip says, “Joanna makes me feel like I can do anything.” When was the last time I gushed over my husband in public? *Gulp.*
Trust me, y’all. I’m like a detective at sniffing out wifely contempt, and I assure you I can find little of it.
One time Chip wasn’t paying attention and nearly rammed a forklift into his truck. Not even a hint of judgment from the watching Joanna. Oh, sure, you say, maybe she just acts like it for the camera. Maybe. But I think it’s like housecleaning for a party. Everyone cleans up, but you can definitely tell the difference between the ones who shoved all the bills to the side of the counter to make room for the tortilla chips, and those who routinely vacuum the every crevice of the living room.
Contempt and clutter – you can spot ’em a mile away.
- Lesson #2: If your husband calls you out on something, don’t flip out, but accept the criticism. One time Joanna was in “crunch mode” putting finishing touches on a home. Chip stops by to drop off dinner, and says to her pointedly, “You need to hug your babies.” It was the kind of tone where I’d be tempted to respond (to him and the 2.2 million viewers watching): I WAS GOING TO! Chill out! But she shows no offense. “Yes. I need to hug my babies.” Weird how one little passing exchange struck such a chord in me. But it did. I hope I accept criticism so gracefully.
- Lesson #3 : Treat your husband like a normal, pleasant human being. Yes, it is a sad state of affairs that we need to mention this. But I must. I find it so surprisingly refreshing the way Chip and Joanna interact. Some women I know – I mean I can’t verify it personally, but they’ve told me, if you know what I mean – these women reserve their most unpleasant, fatigued, and dreary chatter for their husband. I mean, it’s not like he’s a REAL FRIEND, you know. He’s just my husband; we’re beyond that. (At least that’s what these women tell me.) I love/hate watching the way Chip and Joanna chat on the way to their next house showing. So cordial, upbeat, cheerful. And don’t tell me they can fake it that well. (See above example about cleaning up for company.)
- Lesson #4 : No one can do it all, but you can sure do a lot more of it if you get up at 5 a.m.. I had a sneaking suspicion that these two were members of the annoyingly impressive Early Riser Club. And it was confirmed in a recent HGTV magazine article I read. Chip gets up at five (naturally, of course – no alarm) and Joanna sets her alarm for 5:30, with plenty of time to whip up a homemade breakfast for the kids. (Cue the jealous groans.) Seriously, though, I keep hearing it again and again. The most successful people have half their to-do list done by breakfast.
This is something I am always working on. I loved Crystal Paine’s Makeover Your Mornings course, and I’m thrilled to begin the Makeover Your Evenings 14-Day e-course. A powerful day begins the night before. {Join me?}
- Lesson #5 : AND you can do even more stuff if you aren’t addicted to technology. Add this to the list of unbelievable-but-true factoids about the Gaines: they own no television. (They watch Fixer Upper at the neighbors.) I also read in my magazine article that Joanna doesn’t check her email until 10:30p.m. Shot in the dark, here, but I’m guessing if the multi-million-dollar design tycoon can make it through the day without consulting her friend Gmail, then I probably don’t need to check it 38 times a day. Just a guess though.
- Lesson #6: Work hard, and be the best you you can be. I realize that I could not possibly be more cliche if I copied the inside of a Hallmark card. But it is so true. These people work insanely hard. They feed their own chickens and goats in the dawn of the morning, for crying out loud. Could they not have hired someone? But they know the beauty of work. They have found their gifts, and they use them.
My gifts (alas) are not the same as Joanna Gaines’. But somewhere deep inside of me is a gift. A way to create beauty and teach others something. Watching the Gaines inspires me to keep on doing My Thing. They didn’t set out to be megastars. They have just worked hard, honed in on their specific gifts, and maintained positive attitudes.
“Far and away the best prize that life has to offer is the chance to work hard at work worth doing.” ~ Teddy Roosevelt
Okay, Fixer Upper fans. Has Joanna inspired you, too? What do you love?
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These are very interesting tips and thoughts for successful families, and the show sounds great too. I didn’t have a clue what it was before you mentioned it as I’m in Australia and we don’t have tv either. Yesterday I chose not to put my computer on until the housework was done – ouch 4pm, but I wasn’t feeling well either.
My favourite marriage resource has been Laugh Your Way to Better Marriage. I’ve read a lot of the traditional Christian marriage books and this one has trumped the others, esp as it is a dvd set that my husband will engage with too.
Thanks for the suggestion! I hadn’t heard of that!
Honestly curious what time they go to bed. I’ve tried to get up that early, however I’m such a grouch it’s not helpful
I know! I struggle with that, too, Becky.
It is always annoying when you are innocently reading the morning e-mail (before 10:30am) and are hit in the head with a 2 by 4. This article was like that! In a good way. I have a tendency, well lets be honest, a habit, of treating my hubby with less that honor. Your #1 was a reminder of what I know, but seldom do. Marrage is your most important human relationship, we need to treat it as such. Thanks for the reminder out of the blue. God knows what we need and He often gives it to us when we are least expecting it, but are most receptive. Can’t put your walls up if you don’t know whats coming…am I right?
Thanks again for the great post.
PS: I love them too!
I’m so glad you liked, it Penny! I agree with you – I need to work that as well!
thanks for sharing! just clicked the tv off, about to turn the iPad off, and restrain myself from checking my email for the rest of the day (let’s face it, most of them are advertisements anyways!). And after spring break, I’ll work on setting that alarm clock earlier!
I love the Gaines and the light of Christ shines through them!
And thank you for the lunch post! 🙂 I would not have checked out the Healthy Choice meals because I avoid preservatives etc. too. Just what this homeschooling mom needed! The Broccoli and Beef was awesome but I didn’t like the Chicken and Pesto one-I normally looove pesto, so maybe I will give it a try again when I am not pregnant.
Anyone try any other flavors???
Thank you, Jessica for your encouraging work!
-Crystal
I really love this list. There’s so much I can work on (though with a new baby coming, I won’t be setting any alarms on purpose). Watching Chip and Joanna’s relationship is really one of the best parts of the show. My husband enjoys watching them too, and that’s saying something. I love the quote at the end of your post too. So true!
Jessica, This is a great post! you’re so observant. And you’re so right. These are great habits and I am hoping to wrestle them into my daily to-dos. But 5:30? Yeesh. Even if I went to bed at 8 right after the kids I’m not sure I could do it. Lol. I’m struggling with 6:30 right now.
#5 really hits home for me. I find myself on the computer, watching TV, or browsing through my phone more than I know I really should be. I do try to spend at least an hour of day outdoors as well as another hour reading in a room with zero electronics, but technology is tough to get rid of.
Thanks for sharing this list, mind if I share it with my readers as well? (I’ll be sure to give you credit for the original list).
All wonderful tips. I love watching them on tv. They are a great example of love, laughter, and friendship.
P.S. I totally just looked up citizen jeans and they’re over $200! Eeek, I’ll have to find my talent and use it more before I can rock jeans like Joanna. 🙂 LOL
Such a great list..what a girl to slow down and take notes from this inspiring couple!
Thanks for the reminder of what really matters. 🙂
My husband loves this show. I think you just explained why!
They make us strive to want to do better.
Thank you for sharing this. I have never watched the show, but have heard a lot about these two. I might just have to read their book. I have been struggling and struggling with some of these issues, but really pushing myself to do better. I have gotten better at trying to build my husband up, but I could still do better. And I can completely agree with you about knowing the fake from the real. TV can’t hide it all! And I have seen plenty of shows with couples where they don’t work great together and you can sense the tension. That is our biggest downfall…we don’t function well together when it comes to projects…or a lot of things! We have gotten MUCH better about it since we moved 8 months ago, but I am nearly 9 months pregnant with baby number 5, and I will admit that I am not always as easy to work with as I want to be! But we are aware, and working on it. We want to set a good example for our kids, and WE want to be that happy couple that knows how to work together.
Great article and I love your humor. I absolutely agree and find the Gaines to be a great family show. I enjoy how Joanna humors her husband and laughs at his goofy jokes. On the flip side Chip adores her and encourages her. Lastly I just want to say good shows can have an effect on you. I recently watched an episode of Jill and Jess Duggars. During the vows of Jess’s wedding ceremony she said she promised to “actively pursue” her husband… That hit me like a ton of bricks. Never thought of it like that. Good stuff!
Such great observations! I’ve also caught on to his “You need to hug your babies.” It’s so easy to get focused on the To-Do list or other obligations to completely miss the beautiful little gifts right in front of us. I think that simple reminder from Chip to Joanna is simply reminding her of her true priorities. And her attitude rocks in response. I haven’t noticed any snarkiness in her responses either. And no matter how silly he gets, she encourages him to be him. A lot of wives roll their eyes and make comments about how their husband is a child. I like how she joins in or she laughs, when that’s really what he’s doing, he’s making her laugh.
I’m not exactly sure how I happened upon this article, but I’m glad I did. I’m a mother of 5 and I have been feeling overwhelmed. While I can keep the house running, I’ve been consistently disappointed in my ability to stay on top of my personal projects. This article was a good reminder that all of that frustration bleeds into other areas of life and that with consistency, grace and patience…it’s all possible. Thank you.