A note from Jessica: Soon after beginning my “31 Lies Moms Believe” series, I got a great idea. Why not ask some of my readers for their ideas about lies moms believe? I thought I’d be lucky to get 2-3 to choose from, but I was overwhelmed by the responses! So many were inspirational, and spot-on. It was so difficult to choose a winner, that I had to solicit my sister’s help, and eventually I just had to choose two. 🙂
What I love about this post, by Jennifer Fromke, is that it speaks to a stage I’m not yet at (but quickly approaching). I appreciate Jennifer’s wisdom and hope you, do, too!
Thank you all those who submitted your “lies.” I think I have a terrific handful of guest post possibilities…so you may hear from me in the future. 😉
Lies Moms Believe : If I’m The “Cool Mom,” My Kids Will Love Me More
(guest post by Jennifer Fromke)
Being “the cool mom” is not something you can or should shoot for. It’s just something that happens. Do not pursue this title. It’s meaningless. Whether or not that phenomena happens to you, there is something better.
Be the mom who knows her kids and ALSO lets her kids know her. Yes, our kids need to know their parents and to be known by them (okay, love and be loved is up there too).
They don’t need me to wear the coolest mom clothes or have the best mom hair, or pack the best lunches.
They don’t need a designer-ish painted mural on the playroom wall or monogrammed towels or fancy swing set in the backyard.
They do need to know what I think about things, what I love, what I hate, and why.
In short, they need me to be myself.
Think about everything a mom means. A child’s heart is tethered to his mother and where she is, represents home for that child.
In my case, God made me the mother of three specific children for individual reasons. His infinite wisdom paired me with my children. So if I try to become more like some other mother I know, and I end up becoming less of the person God created, then my kids will be cheated. Think about it – if I am constantly trying to be like every blogger I read, then I will be nobody. Least of all, myself.
And the woman my kids need me to be is me.
To help figure that out who “me” is (because it can get lost in the mundane) ask yourself these questions:
When I have five minutes to myself, what do I think about? What are my dreams for the future? Favorite hobbies? What will I do when all my children have moved out? (I know, it seems like this will never happen. Trust me. It happens)
And by the way, the answers to these questions need to have nothing to do with the kids, and everything to do with YOU.
This whole thing sounds a little bit selfish – oh no! But wait a minute. I’m not saying to stop trying to be present as a mom. And of course, I have to add, be smart about what you share with your kids (not everything is worth sharing).
But the point of what I’m saying is this: It’s important for your kids to know who you are because that helps them figure out who they are. The saying rings true – if you know from whence you come . . . it’s easier to chart your path ahead.
The truth? Kids don’t need (or want) a cool mom.
They want you.
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