Note: The post you are reading is part of my October series, 31 Lies Modern Moms Believe. Read the rest of the posts in this series here!
Before I delve into this highly controversial topic, I want to address the elephant-in-the-room. Yes. I do own skinny jeans.
I drank the Kool-Aid last year and picked up two pairs, right around the time I read in an article that they were actually going out of style, and bootcuts were the new thing. I have a knack for this actually, for triggering trends to leave the Style Scene.
But I’m still seeing these things out in public.
And I just think skinny jeans are one of those Culture Issues where we’re clearly all being deceived by some Great Force who is actually laughing on the other side, at what they’ve all gotten us all to do.
BECAUSE THESE THINGS DO NOT LOOK GOOD ON ANYONE.
And we all just need to admit it.
I mean, surely, there are some Gorgeous Beings who would look stunning in a paper bag, and they’re wearing skinnies, and they look okay, and these Gorgeous Beings are giving the rest of us false hope, that somehow, we should keep wearing these things.
But can we just all publicly admit something?
SKINNY JEANS ARE NOT FLATTERING.
Can I get an “amen”? For the child-bearing woman / any woman over 17, they tend to accentuate what is known as the “pooch” area – the remnants of what used to be “abs” but have disintegrated into some sort of stomach “mush.”
Towards the rear of the garment, the back side, if you get my drift, it sort of creates a “pear” shape (round and flat), which, I’ll tell ya’, mama, is not the right shape for that area.
This summer, in the three times I went out In The General Public, I noticed a new trend. Girls were wearing CROP TOPS with their skinny jeans.
NO. NO. NO. NO. NO.
AND NO.
Why in the universe someone would want to BARE the 2% of the body that is the most unflattering (the “pooch”) is BEYOND ME.
I also have a sneaking suspicion that the Male Species isn’t fond of the skinny jeans. I only say this because my husband said once, “Jessica, I hate skinny jeans.”
As he not typically prone to have “fashion” input unless something very severe triggers his attention, I took this as a hint that maybe the men, too, were picking up on this – the Skinnies Emphasizing All the Wrong Parts.
In all fairness to this trend, I do want to take a brief moment to discuss the ONE way that skinny jeans actually look good. If you have a closet-full and want a suggestion for how they flatter a real, live, human person. Then do the following.
- Put on your skinnies.
- Quickly (because it ain’t pretty), cover these puppies up with a LONG shirt/dress/sweater.
- Add high boots.
So basically, hide all but 12 inches of the skinny jeans, and you’re golden.
Guys, I want to make a proposal.
It is TOTALLY crazy. But just hear me out.
I was thinking.
What if, the next time we needed a pair of jeans, what if we went to the store, and we found a pair THAT WE LIKED and THAT FIT US and THAT WE FELT BEAUTIFUL IN.
And then what if we bought these jeans. (I know, I know. I’m off my rocker for sure.)
But I’m going to keep going! What if we kept wearing them, for years and years, never caring a once whether the Fashion Gods had decided they were uncool suddenly.
What if we only wore clothes we liked?
Oh, well…It’s just a crazy thought.
But I can tell you what. If I get up enough nerve to do that, I’m going go to the store, and I’m gonna get me a pair of pants I love. Low-rise, stretchy, soft, cotton, super-comfortable, maybe with a fold-over waist band…maybe in black…Yoga pants.
I’m going to get yoga pants.
😉
So…I need to know. Do you own “skinnies?” Do you – ahem – like they way they look?
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Yes, I own skinny jeans. Yes, I look good in them. Yes, I LOVE them. And Yes, my husband thinks I look good in them. Oh, and I am also 36 (so that debunks your theory that anyone over 17 shouldn’t wear skinny jeans). I think you’re making a lot of sweeping generalizations about all women based on your personal experience and tastes. I agree that skinny jeans don’t look good on every woman but I would never say that NOONE should wear them. Right not, I have not given birth to any children. I very well may ditch my skinny jeans once I do. But for now, I am 36, tall, thin, size 4, with pretty much a flat tummy, and a small butt. I’m not bragging, just pointing out that there are plenty of women who I think look good in skinny jeans, and can wear them, and like them, and be comfortable in them…and I am one of them 🙂
I’m sorry if I came across as combative. I’ve just been disappointed with your last two “lies” in this series because they seem to be much more subjective and dependent on individual situations, likes/dislikes, personal preference, etc… I was hoping for lies that apply universally like your first two. I hope you can understand where I’m coming from and maybe make the rest of your lies about really helpful things rather that your own preferece (FB, skinny jeans) applied to everyone 🙂
Hi Abigail, Thank you for your comments! This post was sort of tongue-in-cheek, as a humorous attempt to poke some fun in mom style. In all seriousness, I don’t think they are *horrible* and realize that they make a perfectly nice outfit. I’m so glad you’re joining me here for this series and welcome all comments. As I had to have quite a long list of “lies” (already planned by the way 🙂 ), some are like this – more light-hearted and, yes, my opinion. But don’t worry. Plenty more addressing actual issues…not skinny jeans. 🙂
I am really hoping for boot cut to come back. They’re hard to find. And I don’t think skinny jeans are flattering on ME.
Yes I own a pair…or three…of skinny jeans. And Yes I think I look good in them…in fact I have gotten quite a few compliments. I am 50… YES FIFTY years old. Buried my father at Christmas, husband walked out a month later and I lost 30 lbs! I look the best now that I have looked in 25 years! Crop top? Uh no…never. The trick to looking great in skinny jeans and not looking like you have been melted and pour into them…you know…that slutty look…is to find a style/brand/size that fits and accentuates your curves and then buy the next size UP! The jeans look so flattering and you still have the ‘skinny’, sexy look without looking like you are trying too hard. Works for me.
I love reading your posts and agree with you that not everyone looks good in skinny jeans, but I own them and wear them and am comfortable wearing them as long as I have a tunic or a sweater or a loose blouse or shirt that covers my hips. I am 35 and have had 6 children and still have a flat tummy and no love handles but I still like to modest.
Haha. I do own a few pairs of skinny jeans. I really like them, personally, as long as they are not skin tight. But I agree, they aren’t for everyone. And I have to hide my squishy belly no matter what fit jeans I have on 😉
Do Skinny Jean Maternity pants count? Haha. Totally loving that pair of pants right now, but that’s because I can let my beautiful preggo belly and long maternity shirts hang out. Definitely cannot pull them off after the pregnancy is over. And I’ve actually been wearing the same jeans for a LONG time. Bootcut/Flare was out? Now it’s back in? Oh goodie…all my pants still work. 🙂
Also – I was just curious about this series you’re using. Are all the topics ones that you’ve chosen, or is there a set of topics that you and potentially other bloggers are all participating in?
I always enjoy reading your posts. You’ve actually become my most dedicated blog that I read every day.
I bought some. Because I felt like I should. I hate them. LOL LOL
I have skinny jeans and I rock them. I’ve had two kids and I’m 38. I’ve worked hard to get in shape after my second son. If people don’t like the way they look in skinny jeans, they shouldn’t wear them. I try my best not to buy clothes that I don’t love. I know the article is in good fun, but there are plenty of moms out there rocking skinny jeans (and quite a few that aren’t too).
Same! I have worked hard (and continue to do so) after two kids to look good in the clothes I have. If this was a tongue in cheek post…it did not come off that way.
Never wore skinny jeans and never will! I can honestly say I don’t like them on anyone. Looks like you just walked off the set of an old Star Treck” or “Lost in Space” episode, (Warning, Warning!!). Makes me think of dirty stinky spandex. I am much older then your other readers,(54), however, I think looking back on my life, I have always pretty much worn what i like and what is comfortable. I know I don’t always look like everyone else, but I am happy nonetheless.
This is awesome. ❤️ y’all.
So just out of curiousity…what kind of jeans are in style these days? For the life of me, I can’t figure it out. I guess that makes me one of those who just wears clothes that she likes. Definitely not a fashionista!
I hate tight clothes. (I personally hate jeans in general.) Skinny jeans may as well be leggings! I’m 32. I have 5 kids. I feel I am somewhat stylish but I don’t buy things in style I don’t like.
My jeans meet all of your criteria and they are skinnies. I’m 30, I’ve had two kids, and I look and feel amazing in skinny jeans. I *gasp* even wear crop tops with my high waisted skinnies. Your shopping criteria are great; your judgments on what other women do or don’t look good in, not so much. I think we should wear things we feel great in, regardless of trends or what other people think or whether or not we “have the body for it.” Whether it’s a trendy jumpsuit or yoga pants or skinnies or leggings or daisy dukes.
This made me laugh so hard – because for me – I have no business trying to squeeze myself into anything labeled “skinny.” I am a curvy girl – and that is OK, but I too at times fall into fashion trends that are unflattering. I like the idea of us buying what we love that fits us well. Some ladies bodies are from birth to death the perfect shape for skinny jeans – rock em if you can, but trust me – you don’t want to see me trying it! Thanks for the laugh – at myself!