Since the beginning when we announced our decision to homeschool, I have resolved to tell the 100% truth about our journey, in a grace-filled manner. I don’t think we are “better” than anyone else. Sometimes, quite frankly, I’ve wondered if we were doing the right thing at all.
As we are nearing the end of our first school year (my son’s kindergarten year), I’m giving the final verdict:
How was it? Will we be doing it again? What was good and what was hard?
Long ago when I would tell people I wanted to homeschool, they all said the same thing: OH THAT’S WONDERFUL! You were a teacher, right? You’ll be great! Y’all will be great.
Which I took to mean: You will never have one moment of negative thoughts while homeschooling. Not only will it be a breeze, but you will enjoy each learning-packed, tender-spoken moment.
I forgot something, though. It didn’t dawn on me until around February, but WHY, YES I was a teacher. And I loved it. But you know what? There were days, plenty of them, where we “good teachers” would huddle in the conference room, lamenting that HOW IN THE WORLD COULD IT ONLY BE 11:15 and THESE KIDS, AREN’T THEY AWFUL TODAY.
Which of course, had little to do with our calling or our gifts. It’s just hard, and that doesn’t mean it’s wrong. So it’s taken me until April to get over the potential embarrassment of admitting to you that I have not “loved” every single minute. I could see you all gasping, in your living rooms, “Did you see that? She didn’t like it sometimes. Can you believe she kept doing it? Obviously she’s made a horrible, horrible mistake. Scoff, scoff.”
I don’t know if there are others out there, who might also feel ashamed and confused by the hard days of homeschooling, but if there are, I am writing this for you. Here is the truth. My truth.
What I do like about homeschooling: Time with my kids. Amy Roberts says, “There’s something to be said for quantity and not just quality time with your kids.” These words keep ringing in my ears. Homeschooling is motherhood, on crack. It’s motherhood to the extreme. It’s motherhood, more. More time to teach them. More time to play with them. More time to work on their character traits. More time to see how they stick out their tongues when they’re concentrating, and how their eyes light up when they (finally) make a “y.” If there are things you like about motherhood, you’ll like similar things homeschooling. If you enjoy your kids, you will enjoy them homeschooling.
What I do not like: Also, time with my kids. This is my flesh talking. But my flesh is a real part of me. It is A.L.O.T. to be around your kids 24/7. I feel ZERO need to elaborate on this point, because if you have ever had kids, or been around one for 15 minutes, you understand exactly what I am saying.
What I do like: The relationships my kids have with each other. My daughter was born three weeks before school started. If Sam had started kindergarten, he would be absent until 3:30, at which point Ellie is basically ready for bed. More than that is the two boys. My boys are best friends. They have time to play the most elaborate games with each other, and they are such good buddies. I am not saying this couldn’t be accomplished with a school schedule. I am just saying I am giving my children an incredible gift by giving them each other.
What I did not like: Being The One in charge of my kids’ education. The constant pressure of wondering, IS MY CHILD DOING ENOUGH can be oppressive and exhausting.
What I did like: Being The One in charge of my kids’ education. Sam is reading incredibly well. He thought he hated math, but really hated the curriculum. So I changed it. It is a relief to have the power to adapt your curriculum to your actual child’s needs. It is a blessing to really know what they are doing in school, and to actually have the power to change that, immediately.
What I did not like: the loss of personal time. I’ve heard of this thing called “the carpool line.” I think it sounds wonderful. I fantasize about the carpool line. So often during my day, I’ll look over at some project, interesting book, email or disorganized closet calling my name, and I will have to remind myself: You chose this life. You chose to be doing this now. The other stuff can wait. Maybe other homeschool moms don’t struggle with this, because they just enjoy every minute of teaching so very much. But I definitely do.
What I do like: All the things I get to do with my kids. Before, there were so many things we never did. Maybe I just wasn’t as disciplined in activity time as other moms are. But now, we paint together. We go to the aquarium. We play the silly little games in the Chick-fil-A kids meals. We drag out every last board game in the closet. We read books. School time is actually the best, most calm part of our day, because it’s just me and them, doing something purposeful.
What I do like: The simple, unhurried pace of life. A month ago I had an appointment…at 9am. OHMYGOODNESS it was so chaotic. The planning the night before. The lunch-making. The waking everyone up and breakfast and getting dressed and teeth brushed and faces cleaned off and NO YOU CAN’T PLAY WITH THAT GET IN THE CAR. I said to Todd after, “Wow. I cannot understand how people do this every day.” I imagine like anything, you get into your groove. But it made me realize what a treat, really, to snuggle before breakfast, to linger in our PJs for a little, to eat meals when we want them and snacks in between, to not have to interrupt sleeping-in-mornings or afternoon naps…Of course it’s not all picnics and snuggles. I still have many lessons to learn in relaxing and enjoying my children. But it’s nice to not have to fight a schedule to do so.
What I don’t like: The lack of schedule. Sometimes if my kids are still in their pajamas at 9:15, and we haven’t started school, and someone is under the table pretending to be in a submarine, I think, “I’m ruining them. Think of what all the other kids are doing right now. They’re sitting at tables, like perfect little angels, and my rugrats aren’t even dressed.” Needless to say, I’m not a member of the “unschooling” camp. I feel the need (at this point) to get my kids to learn some structure, and I wish I were better at creating it.
My final verdict:
My final verdict is that while I wish I were a better homeschool mom, I haven’t ever second-guessed my decision to do it.
I just need more help, more grace, more Christ, more sleep, and more support. A teacher on an island cannot stand, no matter if she teaches three or one or twenty.
And isn’t this just the same with parenting? Parenting without encouragement, without direction – it can be lonely, unnerving, and exhausting.
If you are raising little ones, you probably know what I mean. What keeps you going in the down days of parenting? If you homeschool, what do you love most?
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Thank you for this!! I too am a teacher turned mama who has decided to homeschool. My boys are 4 and 12 months. The exact same conversation about loving it plays in my head, over and over. I want to give you a hug for being real and making me feel less alone in the struggles. Keep the homeschool posts coming, very encouraging :)!!
Just wanted to say thank you for sharing your homeschooling summary of this first year! We are in a similar stage of life… I homeschooled my oldest for kindergarten this year and I have a 4 year old and am pregnant and due in October. We really loved homeschooling this year, but I am sure it will be much harder this coming year when I am sleep deprived with a baby! I had a couple thoughts as I read your post, that will hopefully encourage you. About not starting till after 9am some days, I have read several places that the first THREE YEARS are a learning curve. More structure will come as you and your kids become more familiar with homeschooling. As they get older it will also be easier. With a baby to care for, if you started before 9 am any day you are doing great in my book! My second thought is perhaps some sort of co-op could help with that need for encouragement. We did Classical Conversations this year and absolutely loved it. I loved having other homeschooling moms to share struggles and brainstorm solutions and just encourage each other. It has also helped me be less worried about the haunting “are we doing enough” question. There were other kids that were the same age and we could compare what we were all doing, which relieved a lot of that pressure of just not knowing. Having community was really critical to me this year, perhaps it may help you as well if you have something similar available to you.
Thanks for your blog, I have enjoyed and benefitted from many of your posts!
From a mom of two graduates and two teen boys, that time with them becomes much more crucial the older they get. Even when they are bickering and fighting with everyone around them, believe me, the support they know they can rely at home makes life much easier. And it’s totally worth it. I asked my two oldest sons if I had really screwed up (hindsight is always 20/20, right?) and they both said that I had been right…mostly…and they wished they hadn’t been such headaches for me at times. I’ve noticed they are much harder on their younger brothers’ “teenage moments” than I ever was on theirs, and they have told me they don’t want me going through that again….which is gonna happen anyway, ’cause it’s the nature of the beast….but I appreciate the gesture.
So. Stick it out. The pay-off in the end is worth all the head and heartaches.
As a parent of five and schooling a senior I reall really appreciate this word of encouragement!
Wonderful post! This is my first year homeschooling my K boy as well. I had a similar reason for homeschooling, my boys are best friends, and what would happen to their relationship if oldest brother was gone all day!!?? Plus, little sister was coming to the toddler age when she was going to start being more interactive with her brothers, and her relationship with my oldest is SO special, and I did not want that interrupted. Some days are so hard. The fighting, the worries if I am doing enough or doing too much! We have had a hard time with a schedule as well. A lot of the reason we homeschooled was so that they could be KIDS and play, but i still worry that if I am not doing a consistent schedule, our work will never get done. It does, but sometimes it is like pulling teeth. This journey is hard, but I know we are doing the right thing for our kids and our families! So great to read that another mama in a similar situation feels like I do. Homeschooling is exactly what I want for our family, but that doesn’t mean it is not sometimes filled with that feeling of frustration and being a bit overwhelmed!
I am three years into homeschooling with kids 8, 6, 17 months. Not one homeschooling mom hasn’t felt what you have. No matter what their picture perfect blog or facebook page seems to suggest. We all have days that we are jealous of our husband’s silent drive to work or the carpool line. Times where you feel like you are ruining them and making all the wrong choices. You are not alone. Just point them to Jesus and follow His Word and not what the world says you should be doing.
Thank you for sharing this. I am facing a similar situation this fall. I will be starting my 4.5 year old with kindergarten, my little girl will be 3 and doing preschool, and our little one is due end of June. So I am a little nervous about starting “real” school with such a little baby. I am already trying to ingrain in my mind the concept of giving myself grace and allowing us to find our own normal and success.
I joined a homeschooling co-op last year, even though my children were just preschoolers. We met every Monday for 3 hours, and it was such a bright spot for me. I loved having the encouragement and expertise of other homeschooling parents. Without it, I don’t know that I could homeschool and be so isolated.
God bless you and your littles.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I also fantasize about this mythical “carpool line”. I also constantly worry “I’m not doing enough, I’m not doing it right, I’m screwing them up, They will be weird”. But I love that my boys are best friends and are in love with their baby sister. I love (and hate) the job of teaching them character and decision making and following Jesus. I also get overwhelmed by the 24/7 of it, and all the things I can’t get done, especially with a hubby that travels for work a lot. It’s good to know, in my semi-isolated world of small people, that there are others out there, and that if I’m messing my kids up, at least I won’t be the only one 🙂
I homeschooled my son through 1st grade. He’s in a public middle school now & doing very well. I enjoyed almost every aspect, so did he. One negative, you didn’t mention, that I experienced was- the harsh judgement, lack of confidence, and concern from others. That part was the hardest for me. Everyone from my husband to the mailman to other moms on the playground tried to convince me I couldn’t teach my son as well as “real school “. I felt very proud when he aced all of his state tests to enter 2nd grade. (He scored well in to 3rd grade levels on most subjects!) It was difficult to be humble that day! 🙂
Thank you for sharing! I have both homeschooled & sent my kids to Christian school while I work. They are both hard, both have their joys & struggles. We are a military family & move a lot. Next year I will be back to homeschooling again. Your article truly was an encouragement to me to trust in the Lord as we parent/educate our children. I look forward to hearing more about your homeschooling venture. Take care!
Thank you! This was great! You are not alone!!
I am also a former classroom teacher turned homeschool mom. I experienced the same disappointment when homeschooling didn’t turn out to be so easy! 11 years later, I still doubt myself sometimes, but I also still love it (most of the time)!
Been homeschooling for 25 yrs. seven children, is that a record? Hardest job of my life but the most rewarding! No regrets. To have 4 almost 5 married, loving the Lord, in church and having a great relationship with is WORTH IT ALL!
I commented a few weeks ago, but recently came across two articles online that made me think of you and the other commenters that have expressed similar concerns about “doing enough”. I loved how you described the wondering as “oppressive and exhausting”. So true! While I don’t think I could ever give up all formal academic instruction in favor of “Unschooling”, these two articles greatly put my mind at ease that we are probably doing more than enough. I hope they encourage you all as they did me.
Playing with Legos is More Valuable Than Learning Algebra
http://isaacmorehouse.com/2015/06/10/playing-with-legos-is-more-valuable-than-learning-algebra/
How Early Academic Training Retards Intellectual Development
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/freedom-learn/201506/how-early-academic-training-retards-intellectual-development
It sounds like you’re homeschooling in MY home, Jessica! I love your honesty … just know you are not alone. I go through the same struggles and joys, and I’m sure just about every other homeschool mama does, too.
Such a great, honest article. I have three boys, aged 16, 13, and 12, and we have homeschooled the whole time. I have never regretted it. Not once. I have fantasized about the school bus picking them up, about having a job outside the house, about having an au pair, having a soundproof room, and about lots of other things, but I have never actually regretted it. Even on days when I think I will absolutely pull out my eyebrows if they fight ONE MORE TIME, I’m thankful we get to be miserable together. The way you list the same things as what you like and dislike is so true. I, too, love spending time with my kids. Especially when they’re in bed, asleep. Even when they’re older, and you’ve been homeschooling for years, you’ll have days/weeks/months that you are SURE you are messing them up, and you’re doing it wrong, and they’ll never go to college or get a job. Then you will remind yourself that you and they are so blessed, and they are learning to be so much more than just ‘educated,’ which isn’t the most important thing in a successful life. And I don’t believe we will EVER regret it.
You are fabulous! Thank you for being so honest.I thought I was the only former teacher who sometimes doesn’t like homeschooling.
I do have projects and activities of my own that are hard to fit in. I have 2 tween-age girls and some days the hormones are CRAZED; I don’t like those days. I don’t regret our decision to homeschool even while I don’t love every minute of it.
We’re starting our 14th year of homeschooling and my oldest 2 kiddos have now graduated. There are still plenty of days when I question all the same things you question. I know homeschooling is worth it, and it is quite possible to homeschool all the way from Kindergarten to graduation, but that doesn’t mean I have everything down yet. Enjoy the good and work through the not so good and before you know it they’re grown up and graduating!
Second year homeschoolers here, and we are all still crying. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said those exact words:”I’m ruining her.” I’ve hated myself over the past year because of how I’ve failed her, or how I thought I’ve been failing her. Thank you for your transparency, and no you are not alone.
Thank you for your honesty. Especially homeschooling being motherhood on crack! Ha! I never thought of it that way before!
How did you know that it was the math curriculum that was the problem and not your son’s comprehension?