Whenever I tell people Sam has severe allergies to milk, egg, and peanut, the conversation is always very similar.
Long (awkward? pensive?) pause.
“Ugh, that stinks. How old was he when you found out?”
Literally that is the exact same question every time. I have always wondered if people want to know more but can’t think of a better question, or just don’t know what to say, or what.
I’m assuming today that it is the former, and I thought I’d take the chance to share Sam’s story. It changed me, and 95% of what you’ll find on this blog is because of this story.
The story begins a few days before Sam was born, when I met a prophet in White House Black Market. I really did.
I was at a very upscale mall in our area. I was sitting on a chair, looking very pregnant, waiting for my mom, when a really well-accessorized, flashy-dressed, country-club-looking older woman sat down next to me. Since I was so obviously pregnant, that was a good conversation starter. When are you due? Is it a boy or girl? etc. etc.
“What’s his name going to be?”
Samuel.
This was almost four years ago, but I can still remember the markedly different tone her voice took on, and the way she looked off into the distance as she spoke.
Samuel. Like in the Bible. I’ve always loved that name. Well, may he just be a prophet to his generation. May he speak the truth to all those around him, and tell them how to serve the Lord.
She went on for a while actually, along the same lines. Then my mom returned, and I didn’t know what to say to the prophet with gold and diamonds everywhere. We left.
It was the oddest thing.
I think it’s funny how you pray differently for your children. For Ty, I always pray for his wife. I pray that God would protect him when he’s a teenager. I don’t know why.
But for Sam, her words always ringing in my head, I always pray that he would speak the truth to those around him, that God would use him to tell others how great He is, that he would be a light in his generation.
What in the world does this have to do with milk, egg, and peanut allergies, you’re wondering?
From the beginning, I knew two things. One, he was special, and two, there was something wrong with him.
Even as an anxious, inexperienced new mom, I knew very early there was something wrong. I still remember vividly the first time that Sam screamed. Not cried, screamed. I remember locking eyes with Todd, terror and helplessness clouding our faces. How could we have known that the cheese and yogurt I was eating translated via breast milk to poison for his poor little tummy?
And then there was the time I fed him a bottle of milk-based formula at church. He was about a month old. On the way home, I heard him throw up. Not only was the whole carseat soaked, but he was lethargic, drowsy, and out of it. I wanted to call 911 when I got to my mom’s, and everyone thought I was crazy. But I knew something wasn’t right.
Eventually, though, it was my mom who noticed it.
Sam wouldn’t look at her.
It might be nothing. We should probably just “get it checked.” But I knew she was right. The moments when the doctor couldn’t get Sam to look at her were some of the most awful, embarrassing, and scary of my life.
What was wrong with him? He cried. He was unsettled. He was withdrawn. He wouldn’t smile at you. He was scared and gittery. What kind of a baby was this?
You will never find “autism-like symptoms” on a checklist for allergies. It won’t say “won’t eat,” or “doesn’t like people.”
But what I want to shout from the rooftops is:
- follow your gut – there’s something to the “mothering instinct” thing
- food issues don’t only cause “digestive” symptoms
- the best thing you can do is pray for wisdom
That last one isn’t just a token, “Christian-ese” language I felt like I had to say.
For us, it was the answer.
Right in the midst of it all – first-time parents trying to calm, engage, and feed a troubled baby, people all over praying for the little guy – we discovered something silly: milk made a rash on Sam’s cheek.
Within a week of a milk-free diet, he was a different baby.
It would be nice if this were the beautiful end of the story. It sort of felt like it. A few months later we learned that his milk allergies were very high, and he also had egg and peanut. And the truth is, raising a child with severe food allergies and asthma often feels like you are living on a cliff. I am such a different person than I was three years, five months, and eighteen days ago, when Sam was born.
- I worry more.
- I make 19,651 delicious meals without a trace of milk, egg, or dairy.
- I sympathize with moms raising autistic kids or colicky babies.
- I know, I know, I know that God answers prayers.
- I feel that I have a porcelain-globe-of-a-child. Beautiful, fragile, a gift.
Whenever I am knee-deep in an asthma attack, epi-pen moment, or just worried about Sam, I wonder why in the world God gave a girl like me a porcelain-globe-child to worry about. But in a million more ways, I think it’s perfect. I’m a good mom for him. We’re good for each other. 🙂 (*Mental note: print this out and put in the refrigerator, when you need to read it in two days. 🙂 )
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This was sweet. Allergies are an epidemic. Feeding kids is hard enough then to be his food police everywhere he goes has to be tiring. I am the food police too, but they aren’t allergic (so I hope!). At the end of the day I hope you put your feet up and get a good massage from the hubsters. You deserve it. 🙂
absolutely beautiful story, Jessica. Thanks for sharing. Brings a whole new light to the situation and helps me to be understanding and sympathetic. I can’t imagine seeing my child go through that.
Wow…Thank you, thank you! My porcelain-globe-child will be 3 in November. His dairy and egg allergies were discovered when he was 6 months old. I discovered peanut allergies in January. He developed terrible asthma this past Spring. Every day I prepare every meal with great care and hope and pray that one day he will grow out of this disease. My second is just over 1 and we’ve just discovered he too suffers from the dairy allergy. I haven’t spent a Sunday morning fully focused on worship in over 2 years. It’s nice to know that at least we’re not alone.
I stumbled on to your blog when I was looking for egg free and dairy free recipes for my son. LIke Sam, my son is allergic to all dairy products and eggs. We discovered his allergies when he started eating table foods at about 10 months old. After tests confirmed the allergies, our doctor said he might out grow them as he got older. Unfortunately, that did not happen. Our son Jack is now a junior in college and still has his allergies. It hasn’t always been easy, but we’ve learned along the way. We read every label and modify many recipes. Thankfully, our son is healthy and able to live with his allergies even though at times it is hard. I am thankful to have found your information. It certainly is helpful to be able to share with others who truly understand. I wish you all the best with your son. I know that God has taught me a lot through my son’s allergies and I know I am much more sensitive to others dealing with similar situations.
I’m a mom to a perfectly healthy 5 year-old girl and a 21 month-old boy who was recently diagnosed with several food allergies. We’ve known about his dairy issues since he was five months old, had it confirmed at nine months (along with peanuts) and he just had blood tests to clinch his allergies by severity: peanuts (class IV), cats (class III), dairy (class III), dogs (class II) and eggs (class 0-1). How do you wrap your head around all these feelings? I’ve had the guilt, he had a rough start die to me having type 1 diabetes. It’s like I can’t come to terms with how I need to be for him. I’m not a hoverer or a constant worrier but I think ahead and am pretty sure I have common sense. How do I get myself to get it without becoming the annoying alarmist I can’t stand? I need some support…
Hi Kelly,
Thanks for sharing! I have two pieces of advice for you. First, I don’t know if you are a person of faith, but to me it has been incredibly freeing to know that EVEN IF I could have “caused/prevented” my sons allergies, God will still use it for good in his life and in our family’s life. I have seen this to be true. The second piece of advice I have is to be a member of this free online forum: http://community.kidswithfoodallergies.org/forum/main_forum
These people from across the country are moms just like us and very helpful and encouraging. Let me know if I can help further!
I always appreciate when you write about your Sam. I have a very special boy, too, whose allergies are not life I threatening but still scary at times, and I understand so well how much it changes you to parent a child like that. Thank you for putting a voice to it.
I totally relate to your story. My son is allergic to eggs, peanuts, tree nuts and wheat. He also suffers from asthma which seems to flare up if he has too much dairy. I know that he was a totally different child once I changed my diet while nursing. It was like my beautiful little boy emerged from this baby with eczema, and who just looked uncomfortable. It is amazing how a child’s diet can transform his life.
I love your blog and am planning to try homeschooling him and his older brother next year.
P.S. My son’s favorite bible character is John the Baptist, which I think is so perfect because I think of the D.C. Talk song “Jesus Freak” that talk about John the Baptist being thought crazy because of the locusts that he ate. I feel like my little boy has been set apart (through his diet and medical issues) in a special way (like John) to proclaim Jesus’ love.
Thank you for sharing!! I came across your site while looking for allergy free foods for my son! When he was a year old he would throw up for a week at a time, and then be fine for a week, and then do it again. It seemed so completely random, and the dr we saw didn’t have much clue. She suggested I keep a food diary, but I was a Mom of 4, and everyone told me it was just a bug and not to worry. So I didn’t.
4 years later and he’s having more common allergic reactions – face swelling, hives, etc.
We have a new doctor. I told him what was up, and he immediately got us in for blood work. While not high, he is making antibodies to all the top allergens but fish, almonds, and hazelnuts! So much of his life was explained in one simple test. I’m relearning how to cook now to give him a better life.
Anyways, thanks so much! I’m about to become daily visitor 🙂
Adelina, sorry for my late comment here. Glad to have you following along!