I want to preface this post by saying that I realize not everyone will hold my “myths.” I know I have many readers with varied experiences and opinions!
For me, I have always had this same picture of adoption. It goes like this: You have a kid or two. Or maybe none. When the youngest is 2 or 3, you start going through the adoption process, and then eventually add a baby to your mix. The end.
Tricia Goyer knocks these stereotypes completely out of the box.
In a good way.
I discovered Tricia Goyer because she and I are both contributing writers at The Better Mom blog. Her name may sound familiar to you, because she has published over 40 books (a lot of Christian Amish fiction).
This is incredible, but it’s her adoption story (stories) that cement her as a “hero” in my mind.
Here are the adoption myths that Tricia has courageously BUSTED:
- Myth #1: Adopt while you’re young. I do not know exactly how old Tricia is 😉 But I do know that her oldest is 26, and she has two grandkids…and she’s been married for over twenty years…so… 🙂 The very first time they adopted a baby, their kids were teenagers. They’ve done it several more times. It’s like these people keep wanting kids in the house!!! They get rid of some, and keep adding more! The bottom line is this: things had gotten (in her husbands words) too “easy.” They didn’t want to live an easy, safe life. They could have easily sat back and enjoyed the kids they had already raised. But they decided to take on more. It is both challenging to me, and also kind of a relief? Because I do not feel called to adoption right now. I am overwhelmed with my life. But, hey, who says it has to be when you’re 30??
- Myth #2: Trying to adopt through foster care is not worth the risk. A lot of people are scared to try foster care because of the various risks involved. Tricia has adopted several children through foster care, and has written an entire series of Q & As to guide people through the process. She is strong advocate for foster care, and adoption from foster care. One of the big pluses is, in many states, it is free!
- Myth #3: Don’t adopt sibling groups. I learned through Tricia that sibling groups (domestically, at least) are often some of the last to find homes. Recently, Tricia brought a group of three sisters into their home. She and her husband felt called to a sibling group simply because they are the hardest to place. Beautiful.
- Myth #4: Don’t adopt teens. I will be totally honest with you…guilty of this one!! The idea of bringing an emotionally-scarred teen into our home makes my pulse race a little. I listened to a podcast with Tricia where she spoke so kindly and positively of her newly adopted teen girls. I think she compared them to M & Ms…crusty shell, but soft and mushy on the inside. 🙂 I do not mean to imply it’s been an easy road for them, or anyone else! Sin and its effects are real. But as she said in the podcast, time and God can heal all wounds. She spoke so wonderfully of seeing her teen girls soften, and enjoy being at home, and just heal. It was such a beautiful picture.
- Myth #5: Keep their lives as “normal” as possible. When Tricia brought home her latest group of teen sisters, she made the bold decision to homeschool them. Keep in mind, these girls have had oodles of freedom, and have been in public school all their life. And on top of all the MANY household changes, they are now homeschooled? Bold move! She said a few of them had reservations, but that now, they love it. Her main reason was simply to spend more time with them, and less time nagging them about homework/clothing/getting ready. I loved the picture she painted of how they now enjoy listening to her read, and a few them will even color or play with Play-Doh. An odd but important role in their healing process.
I hope you can appreciate as I can Tricia’s courage, selflessness, and – gosh – energy! to invite these beautiful children into their home. Tricia ~ you wow me!
I hope maybe Tricia’s journey will encourage some of us to re-think adoption. To consider again what it could be. Maybe to re-think it in 20 years, even! I encourage you to visit her site for oodles of resources on the subject.
Follow "Smartter" Each Day on Facebook!
Follow "Smartter" Each Day on Twitter!
Follow Jessica on Instagram!