31-Day Series: Lies Modern Moms Believe (#1 : “I Should Be Happy”)

This post is part of my October post series: 31 Lies Modern Moms Believe. Check out the whole series!

Lie #1 : I Should Be Happy

Today we’re going to talk about moms who think they should be “happy'” (moms like me). So, obviously, we have to start by talking about my Grammy.

Because she was the complete opposite.

I could say so much about this remarkable woman, but for today’s purposes, three facts will do :

1. She has seven kids.
2. My grandfather was gone for months at a time.
3. They were so dirt-poor they ate dandelion soup and cow’s tongue for dinner. (I mean…not regularly…but still!?)

I have always known my Grammy as one of the most joyful, kind, and peaceful people. I cannot IMAGINE what her life was like. No date nights, no mom weekends, no “spa days,” no cleaning ladies, no TV, no hot bubble baths… Her life was her family, and her family was her work.

And that was okay.

Granted, Grammy had no Pinterest or Instagram-induced bouts of jealousy and envy. Not too many of her contemporaries were wining and dining on the weekends, either. (Though if they were, she wouldn’t have known via social media!)

It sounds so foreign, and so impossible to me.

Awful. It sounds awful. Can I say that?

Because I like being happy.

When I was a college student, I was meeting with an older woman in our community. One day she said to me, “You kids THINK so much about EVERYTHING! You think ALL THE TIME – Am I happy, What’s going wrong? What am I good at? How can I fix things in my life? Geez, we NEVER thought that much!”

I read a fascinating article recently titled, “Why Generation Y Yuppies Are Unhappy.” I had never really thought about it, but the premise is right: People our age (20s and 30s) think they are special, and think they deserve a wildly successful life.

Um. Ouch.

And if you are a mom of little ones, this notion, that I Am Special And Deserve To Be Happy, will come to a Crashing Halt one day when you realize that you have done nothing but take care of the trivial physical needs of babies all day long. No one notices you. No one pampers you. No one making you happy and special and loved.

And this, my friends, is motherhood, is it not?

And many of us fight it, tooth and nail, pining away the hours until our Husband Relief comes home, complaining on Facebook, and secretly resenting the humbling acts of service.

I know I did.

Gratefully, I am on the road to recovery. When these feelings of entitlement, and jealousy, and WHEN IS IT FRIDAY ALREADY come lurking to the surface, I remind myself of these three things.

1. My greatest heroes in life were poured out for the ones they love. I want to be somebody’s hero. And heroism is exhausting and hard.
2. My kids are people just like me, and they deserve the same treatment I got as a child. They deserve the same treatment I would like. I read the article “It’s Their Day, Too” years ago, and what an impact it made on me.

If you are a mom, and you want to be happy, I have good news for you. You are still breathing, and your psychological systems are functioning just perfect.

We all want to be happy.

This magical Grammy-love and service is beautiful and impossible, but darn it. It’s worth fighting for.

“And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.” (II Corinthians 9:8)

Amen, Lord. Let it be so.

 

 

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