Note from Jessica: This post is a guest post from my dear cousin Rebecca. Rebecca LOVES sports and has lots of wisdom. I love this post! Side note – I strongly encourage you to follow Rebecca on Facebook at Banshee Sports. She is always publishing interesting sports posts and yummy game-day recipes!
Nobody likes to lose, and it is especially hard to watch children struggle with the emotions that losing stirs up.
But, kids are eventually going to lose at something. They won’t get that scholarship. They’ll get cut from a sports team. A promotion will be given to someone else at work. Failure is an undeniable reality in life, but God gave us a tool to combat that.
That gift is a competitive spirit.
As we’re told in the first chapter of Genesis, human beings are created in God’s image. In Proverbs, the Lord tells us, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” {Proverbs 27:17}
When God wanted to make a point with Jacob, He didn’t send an angel to paint with him. He sent an angel to engage in a physical competition. {Genesis 32:24.} Just like the gift of sexuality or language, the gift of competition can be used for evil. But children blessed with a competitive spirit children need to learn how to channel that in a healthy and God-pleasing manner.
It’s important that kids win, as well as lose.
To some of you, it may seem downright cruel to you to allow children to lose at an early age. The mistake with that line of thinking is buying into the concept that losing is inherently bad for a child’s self-esteem. Speaking as a former kid here, I can say that I grew up with a tremendous amount of self-confidence. And, as a kid, I lost … a lot. In youth leagues, on the playground and, yes, even at home.
In my family, the purpose of playing games was to win. But the joy was in the competition itself. “Losing” did not make someone a “loser.” There was honor in a tough loss. There was no honor is a win that was given to you. Kids blessed with a competitive spirit will not only know when you let them win. They will feel shame in it. Not only were they unable to accomplish the goal, but you unwittingly told them that you did not even think they were worthy of trying.
If you have a child who demonstrates a natural competitive spirit, here are a few tips for nurturing that skill and turning it into a healthy tool throughout life.
1. Age-appropriate games. One of the easiest ways to help a young child hone a competitive spirit is by playing age appropriate games as a family. Most games for young children are largely games of chance. Take a game like Hi Ho! Cherry-O, for example. No matter how hard the grown-ups and older kids try, a game governed by a spinner can be won by the littlest competitor in the family. Not only do games like this offer little children a chance at victory, they also offer a chance to see how grown-ups handle disappointment and defeat. Dad might be the biggest, strongest and smartest person they know, but even he will have to deal with the frustration of “the dog stealing your cherries.”
2. Balance the Teams. This principle applies equally to backyard games and organized leagues. If you are in a position to influence the division of talent, influence it towards balance. There are a lot of reasons for this besides just a general sense of fair play. I know that if you have a five year-old who is athletically gifted, there is a temptation to put him on a team with other burgeoning superstars. But, balanced teams require everyone to play hard and play well. That is beneficial for all the kids in the long run. The athletically gifted children are not able to ride the coat tails of other athletic kids, and the less-gifted kids who play hard get to feel like they are part of something important because their contributions really do matter.
3. Handicap the games. While I firmly believe that even little children can thrive from competition, I do not believe that it is necessary to lose at everything all throughout childhood.
With a little creativity, most games can be handicapped to balance things out.
When I was four or five, I had an adjustable Dr. J. basketball hoop. My dad and I would play basketball on the linoleum floor in our kitchen. I got to play all out, but dad played on his knees. Certainly if Dad wanted to throw elbows and win at all costs, he could have dominated me, but in this format, I got to feel like I was involved in a real competition. We adapted this formula when I grew up. When I was in college, our games moved to the blacktop at the park. I was a grown woman in my physical prime, but Dad was still a grown man who was taller, faster and much stronger. But, we still wanted to compete. We wanted the joy of playing hard, so we adjusted the scoring system.
For dad, the scoring was just like real basketball. For me, I got the points if I hit the rim. This isn’t a concept that only applies to parents and kids. Golf and bowling have well-established handicap systems for this very reason.
Competition is a part of life. While competition provides many pitfalls and temptations, a competitive spirit is a gift that should be nurtured and developed in children so that they may use it to God’s glory throughout life.
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Thank you for letting me post.
This is a great post, and needed badly. I see so many sports leagues where they don’t keep score and everyone gets a trophy. But kids need to learn how to win with grace and to lose well because, as you say, we lose things all throughout our lives, even things that we should have won.