Not too long ago, I got to watch some thirteen-year-old girls at the pool.
It was quite the eye-opening experience.
First of all, they looked way too cute for thirteen-year-old girls. We need an international memo reinstating The Awkward Years. Somehow, they have simply disappeared. Generations of girls are reaching adulthood without Embarrassing Sixth Grade Photos, and this is not okay. It is part of being human, like stubbed toes and intestinal gas. Indelible part of life, like it or not.
After the three mini-models had stripped down to their skimpy JUNIOR SIZED TARGET BIKINIS (????) and re-applied their lip gloss, the first official thing, of course, was to take a selfie. Twenty, actually, because they couldn’t quite get the sexy look they were going for.
Once the selfie was perfected, they settled back on pool chairs, ostensibly uploading the pics to Instagram or Snappy Chat or whatever the new thing is called.
It was eerily silent for a good long time, as they all pecked and scrolled away on Chevron-coated devices. Every once in a while one of them would stop texting to offer a comment, and they’d all chuckle. But in a few seconds, it was back to the screens.
After they barely had time to get sweaty, someone’s mom called (I presume), and they slid the phones in their bags and left, braids still Taylor-Swift-perfect.
At the risk of sounding like a Cultural Eeyore with her Granny Panties in a wad, I have to say it.
It was heartbreaking.
No kind of life for a kid.
Can I tell you what I did when I was 13? I too was at the pool, with my crazy best friend Sheila. After cannon-balling in, we’d adjust the wedgies in our clearance-rack bathing suits, and ride pool noodles like horses. Then we’d wash our hair in the tile waterfall, laughing at our George Washington-style wigs.
If we got tired, we’d lay back on weathered blue rafts and talk about nothing, rotating around like hot dogs in a rotisserie. And that was it.
It was a blissful, childish, boring life for a thirteen-year-old. Just as it should be.
Please, do not for a SECOND think I am judging them, the girls I saw, the mini-Taylor Swifts with the iPhones. Because if I were in their shoes, it’s not likely I would have done ANYTHING A SPECK DIFFERENT.
Heck, I’m a mom now, twenty years the wiser, and if I were to visit the pool with a friend and a free hour, I’d do the same stinkin’ thing – be absorbed in my own device (or exert a hefty amount of willpower not to be).
But it’s a crying shame.
Isn’t it? Isn’t it a shame? It’s the murder of summer right before our eyes, along with everything it stands for – relaxation, beauty, and fun.
We simply cannot go anywhere without our phones, and when we bring them, they hearken to us, interrupting every conversation, every memory, every thought even.
And you listen. Don’t think I’m all, “Technology is evil.” Clearly, I have a blog. So there’s that. And how in the world I EVER FOUND MY WAY ANYWHERE WITHOUT ENDING UP LOST IN MEXICO before Google Maps, we will NEVER know.
But we all must recognize that something happened the day Wireless Internet was born.
The first time someone could check his email while waiting for a pound of ham to be sliced, it all changed. We may have gained the ability to order high heels at a stoplight, but we lost something, too.
Something very meaningful.
1. We lost the habit of looking up. Up is so boring, you know. Wispy clouds and trees and birds. Same old, same old. No siree, back to the entertainment.
2. We lost meaningless conversation. Yes, meaningless. Sure, we still talk. But that blank space – (The Moments After You Pick Up Your iPhone) – that space used to be filled with something. It was ambling, careless, comfortable nothing-talk that’s the stuff real friendships are made of. I know. (You know, from Sheila and the pool noodle days.)
3. We lost the ability to be bored. And yes, that’s a bad thing. If I am bored for .45 seconds now, I GET VERY UNCOMFORTABLE. I find it really fascinating to daydream about My Life Before The Internet. What did I do, waiting at dentists’ offices? How did I fall asleep when the lights went off? What in the world happened in those eight-hour car rides? I know what happened. Life Happened.
4. We lost the ability to simply enjoy moments. Now we must capture them, on our phones, and prove that they happened. Last night, we went to the rodeo. We watched a bull prance around the ring for ten solid minutes, refusing to be caught. It was hilarious. We saw fireworks so close the ashes landed on our thighs. It was a sweaty, dusty, wonderful night. And the whole way home, all I could think – I didn’t get a single picture. No one will see this. Ugh. Bad mommy.
How ridiculous! Like the mommies of centuries before me, I always hold those memories in my heart, and it doesn’t matter one darn speck if no one “liked” the photo.
5. And finally, as if that is all not a loss tragic enough, we lost something else.
We have lost reading.
Reading BOOKS, that is. Which is different (it must be noted) from reading people’s Facebook comments or even blog posts.
Oh, you’re being silly, you say. People still read books. Maybe. And if you are one of the few who reads a lot, I applaud you thoroughly. But for me, for my part, I’m sad at all the time my iPhone fills, where I used to freely pick up a book.
And maybe I’m a grandma at heart, but I’m just sad about the changes. I’m sad I don’t read more. I’m sad I don’t set a better example to my kids. I’m sad I can hardly spend time with my family without a nagging thought that I’m missing something. Which is ironic, of course, because I AM missing something.
As I learned in this precious book
I’m missing life.
I’ve said it once, I’ll say it again. I’m locking this stinkin’ thing up. On the charger, it goes. And in it’s place, a book, a real live one, with pages.
I want to show my children what a summer looks like. (Ugly bathing suits, and all.)
~~~
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*this post is linked to: Happy Home Life, What Joy Is Mine, A Mama’s Story, Mom2Mom, Mommy Moments, Thoughtful Spot Weekly Blog Hop, Motivation Monday, Titus2Tuesday, Good Tips Tuesday, Turn It Up Tuesday, Homeschool and Parenting Linky, Tuesday Talk, and Think Tank.
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Well, my iPhone got wet the other night @ fireworks and isn’t working. The past few days have been an exercise in finding other ways to seek my entertainment outlets between mommy-ing moments. I had prayed that God would sorta help me be more present with my three young boys….maybe he’s answered the prayer??? I will likely replace the phone eventually if it proves to no longer work, but if I could just be a more moderate user of the phone, it would be great. And of course, I’m reading your blog on my macbook…
I’ve been enjoying your blog recently (first found it with “your kids aren’t bored, they’re lazy,” which was awesome, btw), so thank you for that. I wanted to recommend you take a look at Nicholas Carr’s book “the shallows; what the Internet is doing to our brains.” Apparently it’s actually rewiring it, stealing the ability to focus and think deeply. Eeek!
Thanks for today’s post!
Hi Bekki, Thanks for recommending that book. I was wondering if there was something like that out there. I’ll have to pick that up!
I have read that book. It’s very good! I teach high school and see how addicted these teens are to their phones!
So So good. Well-written and convicting. But also Hilarious. And so true about awkward years!!
My phone fell under the seat in my car the other day and I forgot to grab it when I went shopping for an hour and half at Target and Harris Teeter. And man, how relaxing and enjoyable it was to just shop! No one called me, no texts to respond to…. it was a mini vacation 😉
Man, I’d trade my summer being 13 with either yours or these girls at the pool! When I was 13, I spent the summer on a potato farm; working in the greenhouse, babysitting someone’s kids, or riding in tractors. I have a feeling my kids will be trimming hats and babysitting, maybe assisting with swim team and packing lunches for summer meal delivery when they’re 13!!!
Very wise words here! I’ve been noticing this too, and feeling extremely convicted about how much time I spend on my phone. Thanks for sharing this!
I purposely let my kids get bored in the car, or on errands – but in manageable doses. Don’t get me wrong, I am using audio books this summer for long trips but it’s amazing to me how a quick drive to swim lessons and the kids want to bring an electronic device. Um, no.
Fortunately, I had my iPhone on this train to read this post. But, yeah, we did have good, low tech teen years.
i wish i could hug you, seriously! this is fantastic!
So much truth in this post. Really just a sad dose of reality. I know that I am too connected and distracted, often giving myself an out because I’m doing something blog related or trying to further relationships via messaging or social media. But the truth is my iPod is in my hands too often.
That being said, I will say that one helpful choice that we have made is that I have a plain oil boring flip phone for calls and such and then an iPod touch for wireless fun, pictures, apps, and the like. It works just like an iPhone at home where we have wireless, but when I’m just out in the town, I’m unable to connect to anything and it essentially just becomes a camera and a digital to-do list. A little less connectivity to tempt me 😉
That IS a great idea, Lisa. I like it! You must be better at directions than I am. 🙂
I teach in the public school. Every day I see more children spend their free time glued to their screen, then having meaningful relationships with each other. They care more about instant gratification on Facebook, than working towards maintaining real friendships. Recently my family took a vacation to Disneyland. I couldn’t tell you how many times I heard, “hold on this would be a great shot for Facebook” (and then as you saw at the pool, a group, couple, etc. would pose over and over again until they got the perfect shot). Or the mass amount of selfie sticks and young girls taking pouty face pictures while standing in line. I took minimal pictures (sure I took some, family wanted to see the fun we were having). But the main goal of the trip was to make memories as a family. So time was spent on each other and not on my phone. I worry for society and our young people. I can only hope that I will do a good job of helping my own children find a balance with technology. Thank you for posting the truth!
What a great post!
I am going to share it on my Facebook page today at this link: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Ministry-of-Hope-with-Melanie-Redd/1539488326339074?ref=hl
Oh, how we let those things ruin our lives and our time! You’ve made me think and made me want to spend less time focused on my electronics and more time focused on people and relationships and good books!
Came over on #ThinkTank. Glad to find your site (and I followed you on Pinterest and Twitter).
Blessings,
Melanie
mm, mm, good stuff here. Thirteen year olds are children, not adults. Thanks for this great post and for sharing at Grace and Truth.
I LOVE LOVE LOVE this post, so much! It’s been heavy on my heart lately, especially since I am the stepmother of a 14 year old whose mothers parents thought it was a fabulous idea to get her an ipod (grrr…). I struggle with this a lot, and am calling for a family wide 30 day media fast, which I believe will not go over well with my kids (especially my teenager) but posts like this speak to my heart and encourage me that I am correct in my convictions, and thankfully, not alone 🙂 Thank you SO much for sharing!
Reading this makes me feel good about my holding out on upgrading to a smart phone. I actually rather like living in the 1990s with my flip-phone cell phone and my paper books. 😉
One thing I have done in response to this sad but true bit about not looking up is I refuse to allow my kids to play with my phone when we are in the car. I only got a smart phone few weeks ago. A friend has recently been super amazed that my kids are never lost when driving. We realized her awe was bc her briefed are always buried in a device when riding in s vehicle. I have purposes to maintain that. My kids (6 and 8) can be 40 minutes from home and know where they are.
Another great article! I have a love/hate relationship with my phone too. Sometimes I purposely leave it in another room or turn data off when I’m out and about. But gosh if it isn’t the best thing ever when you really need it. (found you on the Thoughtful Spot)
These observations couldn’t be truer! Technology is so cool, but it is such a challenge to tame the beast it has become. I agree that it takes away certain things like dealing with boredom, enjoying nature, and pausing to notice the beauty around us. I guess as parents in this day and age we will have to come up with a good balance so we can teach our kids (and re-teach ourselves) to savor the simple moments! Great post!! 🙂
I heartily agree with everything you said here!! I am only 23 and I have felt this way for [what feels like] a long time now. We miss out on SO MUCH of life because we’re always messaging, checking in to what others are doing, thinking about the perfect photo to instagram the moment… It’s really, really sad.
YES!!! AMEN!!!! this is SO TRUE!!!!!
Technology’s pros and cons. Sometimes I wonder how we could have survived the pre-iphones and social media era. Sometimes I wonder why we can’t seem to live without them.
Hope you make wonderful summer memories. 🙂
Technology is both a blessing and a curse, isn’t it?
One of my favorite quotes is from Jim Elliot: “Wherever you are, be all there! Live to the hilt every situation you fully believe to be the will of God.” Technology can certainly prevent us from doing that, can’t it? Thank you for sharing your wisdom, and for linking up with us at Grace & Truth!
I was having this exact conversation today with my girlfriend and we said all the same things you did, minus the pool. Today, even spouses are glued to these phones and such. The art of conversation is diminishing. What would the world be like if we held a National Turn Off Your Phone day like all the other goofy days we celebrate. I don’t think many could do it. Not even for one day. Sad times we are in. Thanks for sharing this at Tuesday Talk. Loved having you today.
Yes, it is a crying shame! And yes, we are all guilty at one time or another. Must admit, I love my phone, but the world was such a happier and simpler place without it. What did we do without them? Well, we got buy and didn’t know everyone’s business. Thanks for sharing with SYC. I’m sure it’s not intentional, but I’m not seeing a link back to the party.
hugs,
Jann
This makes me ache for childhood days- when I lived abroad, had restricted ‘screen time’, played outside. This holiday I’m bringing it back!
Sadly, this is so true, and I am guilty of it too. Thanks for the reminder and for sharing with the Let’s Get Real Party. Pinning it to our group board.