How To Give Your Kids An 80s Childhood, Step 2: Reinstate the Awkward Years

This is the second post in a series. See post one: How To Give Your Kids an 80s Childhood, Step 1

When my daughter was three, we decided to enroll her in dance. Because toddlers in tutus? hello, #adorable. My mom gifted these classes to her granddaughters and took them every week. It was the sweetest time!

The issue came at the end of the year. This was the time for the Studio Recital and Performances.

First, the toddler girls had to purchase an outfit that for sure cost as much as the dress I wore to my rehearsal dinner.

Then we got instructions for the recital. (Check that — first we got instructions for the rehearsal, and then for the rehearsal for the rehearsal. Got that?) Anyways, here’s what we had to do to prepare for the dance recital. The toddler/preschool/definitely-not-teenagers dance recital.

• Drop them off one-hour beforehand in full hair, makeup and costume, and then leave. (UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES ARE PARENTS ALLOWED BACKSTAGE before the Miss America Pageant Toddler Dance Recital.)
• Note that professional hair up-dos are not required, but highly recommended. Professional makeup artist provided on-site.
• Review attached pictures for your EXACT hair, i.e., bun pigtails, low ponytail (left side part ONLY!), high bun, high bun tilting to the left side, feathers facing east, use Aussie-FREEZE hair spray only, etc! etc! DON’T MESS IT UP!!!
• Makeup required. Fake eyelashes suggested. Blush mandatory. Gobs and gobs of lipstick and nail polish and glitter eyeshadow and feathers and just everything.

Now look; I am not on a rant against girls taking dance. Our daughter will do dance again (although at a different studio…one hopefully more “Nutcracker,” less “America’s Next Top Model.”)

And I am certainly not against little girls wanting to be pretty. I love dressing my little sunshine up, and she loves it, too. She loves to wear her “swirly dress” and do twirls for Daddy. Being pretty is a natural desire for our little ones.

It’s just that somehow the deadline for being on-trend and glamorous got pushed from “when it’s your wedding” to “when you want friends to sit with in the cafeteria.”

You know what it was like when I was a kid? When I turned ten, my cousin and I got to go to the mall to get a new shirt. Our choices were:

1. pink with hearts
2. purple with hearts

I got the pink; she got the purple. (Important note: WE WERE THRILLED.)

If I browse the girls clothing section today of, say, Forever21, I start to feel real insecure about my own wardrobe as a 36-year-old woman. I mean, how do I not have a striped jumper, a “houndstooth skater dress,” or a faux suede moto jacket??

Of course if our pre-teen friends are feeling more casual, they can grab a graphic t with a message such as “Spoiled,” “My Unicorn Ate My Homework,” “I’m So Bored,” “AC/DC” or “WHATEVER.” (<—actual shirts from www.forever21.com).

Not just high school but pre-teen girls are mastering contoured makeup and the smoky eye, purchasing thongs, debating bikini waxes and refilling gel manicures.

WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO THE AWKWARD YEARS?

Seriously, what in the world happened to them? They have died and been buried eight-feet deep. I think Miley Cyrus killed them.

Want to know what I was doing as a pre-teen girl? I guaran-dang-tee you it had nothing to do with contouring or houndstooth skater dresses.

First of all, here is what I looked like:

Can you imagine Seventeen Magazine having a field day with me? Don’t worry. By seventh grade I’d gotten it figured out.

EXCEPT NOT.

It’s not like I had some magical Disney-movie-experience where I realized how awkwardly uncool I was, and became transformed by a much cooler and surprisingly nice older friend I met on the cheerleading squad. Nope.

And don’t act like I’m some anomaly. You have these pictures, too, I know it! Don’t you lie!!

I’ve been talking about girls in particular, but this concept applies to both genders. Boys, too, are expected to be “cool” from an early age. They may not face the same early pressure to look on-point, but they are expected to know the right songs, get the right jokes, watch the right shows and play the right games.

Kids these days feel a pressure we parents cannot understand to be “someone” and to look like it too.

I submit to you that with the death – nay, the murder, of the Awkward Years, we have lost something beautiful for our children.

If you want to give your kids a real gift, give them the freedom to be awkward. Guard them from ridiculous expectations. Let them meander awkwardly into adulthood. But how?

If you’ve followed me for awhile, you understand that I love the practical application points. How exactly does one impart this gift to your kids? I have two simple suggestions:

1. Work it out in your head that your kids aren’t a reflection of your own coolness or togetherness and let them be who they are.
2. Don’t be afraid to go against the current. My oldest child is 9 as I type this so I’m somewhat at a loss for the specific examples here. Maybe you can comment if you have them. But my guess is, living this message will eventually involve for me the following: less screen time, less exposure to pop culture, less shopping in the Target junior section, and more DOING OUR OWN WEIRD THING.

I am not saying it will be easy, but I think it’s one of the kindest things we can do for our children. After all, what a tremendous gift — to be free to be who you are. Let them be little. (let them be awkward.)

 

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