Some moms I know go to Cardio Funk, or Power Yoga, or do Insanity in their garages. I so admire that gumption. There was a time (back when I was tanned, and stylish, and well-rested) when I was a gym rat, too. I guess I should start going again, but come to think of it, I reach my target heart rate every day doing normal mom things.

Who needs Aqua Zumba or Booty Burn when you have little kids? No one, I say!

Here are the Real Mom Workouts. Nobody’s talking about these, but trust me, they’re for real. *Note: Caloric counts are estimates, and while not scientifically proven, are well-documented, and basically fact. Basically.

1. Taking a sopping wet bathing suit off a sopping wet child. – 57 calories (I’d rather undress an octopus.)

2. Changing a diaper of a baby who has just learned to roll over – 29 calories (Poop? Add 3o.)

3. Getting a child dressed to go play in the snow – 42 calories

4. Undressing said child when they realize they have to pee – 27 calories

5. Installing a car seat or booster from one hot, stuffy vehicle to another. (Oh, for the love, can someone invent a way to make this more tolerable?)

6. Replacing a crib sheet – 27 calories

7. Jamming shoes on a toddler while you’re eight months pregnant – 35 calories

8. Plodding through the sand, lugging everything water-oriented you own off the beach – 85 calories

9. Trying to buckle a child in his/her car seat while they are throwing a tantrum – 67 calories

10. Carrying an occupied infant car seat more than four steps – 34 calories

11. Ransacking the house for a library book no one has never seen before – 48 calories

12. Putting pajamas on a child after their bath – 39 calories (Child throwing a tantrum? Add 20.)

13. Cleaning up throw-up for a child who missed the bucket. Which is to say, cleaning up throw-up for a child – 55 calories

14. Taking two or more kids to the doctor’s office – 38 calories

15. 90-second cleaning the house for spontaneous company you see in the driveway – 73 calories

16. Mopping the floor in the third trimester of pregnancy – 56 calories

And for the grand finale…the Ultimate, the Pinnacle, the Mount Everest Of Mom Workouts…

Pushing the Target double shopping cart for two energetic children, while nine months pregnant, while buying enough food to last through Armageddon (a.k.a. one week), including (but not limited to) a box of diapers, two cartons of soda, and a jumbo jug of laundry detergent…

4,869 calories.

I have achieved this fitness Zenith, dear readers. Have I omitted any other “Real Mom Workouts?” 🙂

 

 

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