disclaimer: I am not a doctor. This is my non-clinical, personal experience and opinion.
Each month, I get several hundred, maybe thousand visitors to my site to read about anxiety. Just today, for example, I got two emails from readers saying “thank you” for my posts, asking me for more resources on dealing with anxiety.
As I thought about what I have on my blog, I realized there was a gaping hole – on anti-depressants. I have hesitated writing on this topic for a long time for a number of reasons. But finally I felt like the topic, the story, was incomplete. Since I speak so much about anxiety, and obviously have connected with readers on this topic, I felt that I needed to address it to paint a complete picture of my story and my beliefs.
I started this blog to share my experiences, to help others, and I hope that this post does, too.
The first time I was diagnosed with “generalized anxiety disorder” I was 25 years old. She handed me a prescription for anti-depressants, which I promptly crumpled in the trash. And I’m glad I did.
Over the next few years, I was prescribed anti-depressants three more times. The final recommendation was from my counselor, who incidentally was also an elder at my (conservative) church. Each time, I refused.
By the spring of 2012, my anxiety was at the worst it had ever been. Or maybe it just seemed that way, since I had two small, exhausting children to care for, and was getting little sleep. Either way, I was sitting in the doctors’ office (for reasons you can read about here) when he prescribed me – for the fifth time in my life – antidepressants. I was so desperate to become better, that despite the stigma, despite my shame, despite my fears of what else they would do to me…I started taking them.
The first few days were horrible. He did not warn me how I would feel when they entered my system. I realize now the physical symptoms I felt can be normal. At the time I was even more confused, more desperate, more anxious.
I stuck with it – if for no other reason than the people in my life practically commanded me to give it at least a few weeks.
I think it had been about a week. I was sitting in my sister’s house, on her floor, pseudo-watching the kids playing, when all of a sudden, something happened that had not happened in a long time.
I could take a full, deep breath.
A real deep breath.
I had been living in the clenched-fist, tight-chest, panic mode for so long. I nearly cried. Over the next few weeks, as he predicted, I improved even more. I would still feel anxious sometimes, but anxiety did not rule every second of my life. Far from it. I had my life back.
Over past three years, I have had times when I take these medicines, and times when I don’t, and I feel fine. The bottom line is that I am incredibly grateful for how these medicines have helped me. However, and this is a big however, I want to answer a number of questions that those reading may have.
- Could you have avoided taking these medicines? Are they the only, or best cure for anxiety or depression?
I absolutely think I could have avoided these medicines. I think I allowed my anxiety to get to the point that I could not manage it. I have learned many tips and tricks that help me, and I am very, very cognitive now of the fact that I cannot allow anxiety to spiral out of control.
- Are anti-depressants the best or only cure for anxiety?
No. There are better ways, and there are many ways. From experience, I have also had great success keeping my anxiety at bay with regular exercise (which was proven to be as effective as medications in various studies), with Vitamins B and D, with good sleep (this one is HUGE), and with counseling/cognitive therapy, and with positive activities I’m involved in (seriously to this one! Keep busy, keep happy!).
Also, the next time I go through an anxious season, I plan to integrate essential oils. I’m very intrigued by this concept of oils healing anxiety. So again, NO, they are not the only way. I know that I ALLOWED MYSELF to get completely out of hand with my anxiety, to the point that medicine was able to help me in a way that these other things could not.
- What role does have you seen God and faith play a role in dealing with anxiety? Is your worry a spiritual issue?
I would never speak for someone else. I know that for me, there are two components. There is a spiritual aspect to my worry. There is and will always be my stubborn desire to control my life. There will always be a fear to believe that the Lord is good. In other words, my worry is sin.
But also, I know that there is a physical component to my worry as well. Sometimes my body has a physical, anxious response that I don’t think has anything to do with my sin. Only the Lord truly knows, and again, I would never speak for someone else’s mind and body. How could I? But this is what I think for myself. There are both.
- Would you recommend that someone take these medicines?
They are not a perfect fix. Many people suffer various side effects. These medicines work from the gut, and I feel my gut got all out of whack being on them. I have to take heavy-duty probiotics. But for the times that all of my other options were tried and failing me, I am very glad to have them.
- Do you wish you had taken them sooner?
My aunt asked me this recently. It was a quick answer. No. Every season I struggled with anxiety, I have learned something. I have known the Lord more deeply, and while I’m so glad for my life now – for the ability to care for my children, to home school them, to accomplish all I do – I wouldn’t trade those dark times for anything.
If you have additional questions, I’d be happy to chat with you. My sole purpose in writing this is to attempt to alleviate some of the guilt and stigma associated with these medicines.
I’m just one small voice in the corner of the internet, but hear what I am saying. To the person debating these medicines: Try everything else you can. Be thorough. (See my post (coming!) on resources for managing anxiety). But if your anxiety remains incapacitating, my experience has been that while I don’t like taking them, they were very helpful for me in managing anxiety.
So (taking a deep breath) what is your opinion? I would especially love to hear from anyone who has managed anxiety using other techniques. Share with us. What has worked? What hasn’t?
Follow "Smartter" Each Day on Facebook!
Follow Jessica on Instagram!
Want my "Favorite Things" newsletter?
I hate lots of annoying emails, so I won't send them! Just motherhood + life tips, a few times a month.
Follow
Great post! Thank you for writing this. I am currently on an anti depressant and it has helped me tremendously. I know this is a season and one day Lord willing I will be able to wear off the meds. In the mean time, I am so very thankful for modern medicine and an amazing Christian councelor. Thanks again for sharing!!
Yes, thank you! (This is a different Sarah – not the same Sarah replying to her own comment!). I am also on a very low dosage of anti-depressant medication, and I am hoping to be off them in a few months, God willing. I am so thankful for all that i have received – help from a Christian counselor and my minister, my husband, my children and my family.
I was embarrassed and ashamed as well to start the meds, but both my husband and my sister-in-law (who suffered from anxiety herself for a long time) pointed out that God has placed these people in my path to help me, and not hinder me. I am so much better now than I was 7 months ago, and I’m so thankful and grateful. Every day is a new day, and God’s mercies are new each morning.
Way to go Jessica! This is a great post and you handled this “sticky” subject so well.
Thank you for sharing your experience. While I have never taken anti-depressants, I have come close a few times. I felt so guilty for thinking I needed to because good Baptist girls don’t do that. Christians have the joy of the Lord, so why was I struggling? I don’t have all the answers and there are many things that I have found helpful, but one thing that was never helpful was trite Christian comments and pat answers. God is teaching me little by little to trust Him, but I still have a long way to go in learning to truly rest in Him rather than stressing and sinking into depression. Your post is helpful and I appreciate the way you have handled this issue.
My husband helped me by offering this analogy … If a migraine gets so bad that you can’t function, you take meds. So if your anxiety/depression becomes debilitating, you need to take meds. When you get better you’ll be able to work on ways to combat it. He was right.
I would add that the goal is not to get off meds eventually. Some people will get off them. Some people will not. But, the goal is to be healthy. It’s similar to being a diabetic. The goal of a diabetic is not to get off of insulin one day. Chemical imbalances are appropriately treated with with chemicals.
I couldn’t agree more Rebecca. Some forms of depression/anxiety (or other more complicated mental health illness’) are a permanent chemical imbalance of the brain rather then a temporary reaction to external stress.
In some cases, taking medication long term is the way to a healthy and happy life and nobody should feel ashamed for needing them.
Very well said Rebecca. Thank you for adding that truth.
I have not had to battle anxiety so I cannot truly relate, but I very much appreciate your bravery in sharing your perspective and what the Lord has taught you through your experiences. A few of the women in my family have had lifelong struggles with depression/anxiety. It can be so hard to find a balance between being sympathetic, exhorting them to give up sinful habits and trust the Lord, and encouraging them to seek more medical help. So reading about how you have been through a long season and how you have sought to trust in God through it all is very helpful.
Again, thank you for sharing your testimony. Seeing the Lord’s faithfulness through difficulty is wonderful. It makes me think of David Brainerd (missionary & contemporary of Jonathan Edwards) and William Cowper (hymn writer & friend of John Newton) who both struggled their whole lives with depression and yet were used so much in their own lifetime and for hundreds of years after their deaths. God is so good.
Thank you for your sweet words, Lisa. 🙂
Thanks for sharing on this topic! I remember when I was in the midst of my anxiety I wanted so badly to find articles on the topic so I could relate to someone and find hope. I was close to having to take meds and believe they are helpful if needed. I was able to find healing through a Christian counselor, reading the psalms, listening to Christian music and crying out to God for hope and healing. It’s a journey and can still rear it’s ugly head. Now that I use essential oils I think they would also be very beneficial. But always believe there is hope and healing and you’re not alone and can get through this 🙂
I am so thankful that I am not alone in this struggle. I live in a stressful environment full of ADHD people whom I love dearly. But anxiety runs rampant. I tried for so many years not to take medication trusting that God would help me. I just needed to exercise more, study the Bible more, etc. But I got to a point that it scared me, so I poured my heart out to my doctor who prescribed the right medication. Now I feel normal. I feel that it has been what I have been missing all these years. It was the hardest thing for me to do by asking for help then not feel ashamed for getting a solution. Sometimes it works; sometimes it doesn’t.
I think shame is a nasty ploy of the devil. He doesn’t want us to get help bc he wants us to be miserable…praise God that He is more powerful than the devil and puts medicine and people here on earth to help his suffering children. Good for you for getting help. I’m glad you feel “normal” now. It took me a long time to be “ok” with taking meds, so I truly understand.
Amen!!!!!! And that is why I was so grateful for the words my husband and sis-in-law shared about the meds (in that there is no shame; God has placed these doctors to help and heal, not to hinder).
I think shame is a nasty ploy of the devil. He doesn’t want us to get help bc he wants us to be miserable…praise God that He is more powerful than the devil and puts medicine and people here on earth to help his suffering children. Good for you for getting help. I’m glad you feel “normal” now. It took me a long time to be “ok” with taking meds, so I truly understand.
All I can say is Thank God we are not alone! I too, have been told to take anti-depressants over and over again until I was finally cornered. I gave in and it was not the easiest “Ok” I have ever agreed to. But thankfully, time did pass and so did my constant fear to do almost anything and everything. I am a Christian and finally taking that step to take these medicines was a tough one but I did it. It doesn’t mean that I don’t trust God or that I don’t believe in His healing. It’s just that sometimes God allows one to go through things in OUR lives for a reason. It’s a long process at times but in the end we eventually get there with a better understanding and gratitude toward life.
Although, my anxiety still catches up to me (especially towards that time of the month), I am not falling apart like I used to. Life gets better, I promise
I have battled anxiety since I was 8 years old. I remember being physically ill in many situations. At 11, I wanted to die. None of this had to do with my faith. My biology is predisposed to anxiety. I have been able to manage it with exercise and meditation, but when one is physically ill from anxiety, what are your choices? Do you take the meds that will aleviate the physical symptoms? Or do you take anti-depressants? Both have side effects. Both choices introduce chemicals into your body.
I am currently on anti-depressants after not being on them for years. I feel that I am a better parent and spouse now. I would rather have the relationships I have with my family, the ability not to lose my patience, and the clarity to see God in everything than walk around like a ball of nerves just getting through life. I don’t believe that is what God intended for me.
I also feel that we have to realize that mental illness is an illness like any other. If you were a diabetic, and your blood sugar was out of control, would you not seek medical assistance to feel better? We should open outlet hearts to people who suffer mental illness and have to be on medication to get through life.
Great post…thanks for being so balanced! Medicine has been a grace-gift in my life, but agreed, not a fix-all! 🙂
Hi! I’m 17 years old and I’m struggling with depression. My mom is suffering from it, as well as both my grandmothers. I am on the right path with the Lord and there is nothing particulary wrong with my life. I’m actually very very very blessed. People don’t know of my struggle because I perform in a lot of things and I really don’t show any signs of depression that they could pick up anywhere. I take care if myself very well and do everything ‘right according to the book’. But I struggle with my health in many ways and I’m struggle with my depression. I don’t seem to stay healthy. I get ill very often and I get a lot of sport injuries. I struggle to have a good night’s sleep and I’m also always tired, although I ‘sleep’ a lot. I try to avoid medicationas often as I can, but nowadays I don’t know what to do anymore. I know there is a reason for every struggle I have and iy also makes me stronger as person and in faith. One of my friends that know of my struggle keeps telling me that medication isn’t the answer and that only the Lord can heal me. I know that I need to trust the Lord, but I should also use the things that he puts out there to help me conquer the things I have to.
Any advice?
I haven’t been a reader/commenter on the internet for a while, but I am SO GLAD I stumbled over this post and read your comment. I’m sorry for your struggle. It hurts my heart to hear of people struggling and hurting, but that is mortality, and all we can do is reach out for help and hope others reach back.
I am reaching back. This last year our family’s little world was turned upside down when, this time last year, my husband quickly spiraled into a deep well of depression and anxiety. To the point that he could not physically go to work and even lost his job. He became a different person, with OCD tendencies like swearing (he NEVER had sworn in our 9 years together), counting, and things “crazy people” do. All I could do was watch, and call his mother because I didn’t know what else to do. She told me to get him to the Dr. immediately.
See, mental illness/depression/anxiety runs deep in his family. Mother, siblings, aunts, grandparents (one was even institutionalized for a short time). If other’s in your family suffer with the same, you should definitely take that seriously. Have/can you talked to your mom or grandmothers about what they do to help them?
My husband is one of the most faithful spiritual people I know, and over this year we have taken the time to balance out his medication and figure out what works for his body/chemical makeup. Though he hates taking them, they have put us back together and he is functioning and providing for us again. He is singing again!!!
I don’t know what is right for you you. But don’t rule out medication because you are a faithful follower of Christ. Our earthly bodies were never meant to be perfect. They were meant to have trials just as our spirits and temporal lives. You rarely hear of a christian with cancer, reject chemo or radiation because they have faith. And as my MIL says, if you had a heart issue that required medication you wouldn’t reject medication because you’re heart should work right if you believe hard enough. Your brain is the most complex organ in your body. Sometimes there is a glitch, and you need to figure out ways to counteract that glitch even if that means medication. Just like Sarah says, “shame is a nasty ploy of the devil.” There is no shame in medication.
The faith comes in when you look back and see how Christ led your through the difficulty, and at times carried you. The faith is evident when your trial brought you to a beautiful place a smooth walk through life never could have. The faith is realized when you see your blessings are more abundant than you feel you deserve. Now my husband is working a job that he loves, that brings him joy EVEN WHEN he feels anxiety, and there is a calm and peace in our house that we prayed diligently for during the dark days. For US medication was the answer to that prayer.
Seek ALL routes for healing. Often times it will surprise you what works, and it is usually a combination of things. Sounds like you otherwise live a healthy life, maybe medication is the one ingredient you are missing in your recipe? I pray for you to find what you need. Sorry about the novel.
Lucy, simply put, this life can be tough. Our bodies break down, and that includes our minds. Medicine did help me for a season and I am grateful the Lord put good doctors who I trusted in my path. As with any medication, you have to weight the benefits vs side effects. If you’re doing everything “right” and still struggling, maybe meds are an option. You certainty don’t have to be on them forever. After being on Zoloft for almost 10 years I weaned off in March of this year. The Lord was faithful, as He always is, and carried me through that time and weaning was easy with no problems (not going to lie…I was terrified after reading about weaning on google….word of advise, DONT google medical issues, it just causes more anxiety! Haha). All that being said, i truly believe the Lord causes suffering to draw us closer to Him. Romans 8:28-30…He causes all things to work for our good and His glory if we love Him. Our definition of “good” may not be His, but He is wiser and infinitely sovereign so His good trumps what we think is good. Through my deep suffering, even suicidal at one point, He has brought me the opportunity to study to become a Biblical Counselor through ACBC. Through my suffering I am learning to comfort those who suffer the same way i did/do. 2 Corinthians 1:4, He comforts us so we may comfort those suffering with the same comfort He gives us. Receiving biblical counseling from a woman at my church changed my life by teaching me to turn all of my problems and needs back to the Bible and the Lord. He is the great counselor and has answers for my problems in His Word. This doesn’t mean we should throw out the idea of medicine, because sometimes He gives us wisdom to seek out medical help. That’s definitely a matter of prayer for each individual person. Although my suffering was awful and very very hard, I now see His divine purpose in all of it. Yes, i do still struggle at times, especially in new season of life (kids starting a new grade, physical sickness, worries of life, etc), BUT I now turn to the Lord in prayer instead of freaking out that my depression/anxiety is returning. This mind set has changed everything. Having a thankful and grateful mindset is important. Worrying used to be my “normal” and switching to a thankful “normal” is important. You could always search the ACBC website and find a biblical counselor in your area. That was the tipping point for me. Life is still hard, and I still have ups and downs, but now I have different tools and a different mind set to fight it. And, if ever in the future I feel I need to be on meds again, I will prayerfully make the right decision for myself and my family. Praying first, there’s no shame in seeking medical help to find relief. You never know if it’ll help unless you try, and like I said earlier, for most people it’s for a season…not something you have to stay on forever. Praying the Lord comforts you during this time.
My mom was a huge help when I first started experiencing anxiety. She was trained in cognitive behavioural therapy to help my dad, and my dad has been so supportive in empathy. My husband held me, spoke soothing words and in his logical way, kept saying everything will be alright. I also found distractions to be helpful for when I just need to not think. Tv or Pinterest. Spending most of my bible reading in the psalms. Being encouraged by God’s voice. Going to my church to meet with a prayer partner for inner healing has been huge. Having a community surrounding me that experiences similar things as me, encourages me and helps me. BATHS. Probiotics. Vitamins. Eating better. Drinking lots of water. Cutting out/down on caffeine cause that was a major trigger for me physically. Getting out (for a walk ideally. Sometimes a drive). Clinging on to hope. Growing in trusting God, that with Him I can make it through anything -He is good and He will help me. Definitely need more sleep though. 😉 I still have to work on all of this, and it has been suggested that I take antidepressants, but for me right now I don’t feel I need to. Thank you for this encouraging article! Sometimes I feel like people think you should just take them to get over your problem, but I know it’s not a permanent fix -just can help you get through a season. 🙂