you know it’s that time of month if…

I don’t think this will be as funny to anyone as it is to me. Oh well. Modeled after the illustrious Jeff Foxworthy’s “You might be a redneck if…” is my own, timely, comedic list for women only.
you know you have PMS if…

– You think everyone else has PMS.
– You want some potato chips. Instead, you have an apple. And half a banana, with peanut butter. And some toast. And some crackers, and a handful of raisins, and three “m&ms,” and, FINE. half a bag of chips.
– You get real annoyed. Not at just real live annoying people, but also yourself, insects, and animated characters. (But really. Who would EVER send a monkey to outer space. Idiot. And why does Bob the Builder have to be so GAY?? And if I wanted to listen to kids arguing, wouldn’t’ I just listen to my OWN kids, and not intentionally put on a movie of kids arguing?? End rant.)
– You cry at Carrie Underwood’s youtube rendition of “The Star Spangled Banner,” when you see ants on your counter, when your kids cry, and for other various causes.
– You may exhibit feverish determination to finish random, neglected household tasks. Such as, ahem, hanging all the pictures for your new house in one day. Without the right tools. When your kids are napping. And other craziness like that.
– You experience the simultaneous blessing of feeling both fat, and hungry, for most of the day.
– Your kids, subconsciously sensing the changing atmospheric conditions, choose this week to eat handfuls of toilet paper out of the toilet, to unanimously reject White Bean Soup, and to completely melt down while you are on the phone with an automated credit card line (which somehow completely understands THEIR background nonsense but cannot recognize one command which you are articulating in plain fierce English directly into the microphone.

So there’s my list. Anyone up for a visit this week? No? You’re already busy? I thought so. 🙂

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