When I was gainfully employed as a teacher (in a former life, where I worked out at the gym and got a whole night of sleep), I had a good support system.
I taught at a Christian school, so I had a near-infinite amount of kind, understanding, sympathetic co-workers with whom I could vent all my struggles and frustrations.
I knew I wasn’t alone in wanting to pull my hair out at 2:50pm when the sweaty seventh grade boys scraped their nails on the chalkboard, just for laughs. Teaching was hard, but I wasn’t alone.
Not so as a homeschool mom.
Although I have my sisters (and thank God for them) in this epic adventure with me, there is an overwhelming sense that you’re walking a dimly lit road alone, second guessing every step and turn.
I know there are the groups and the co-ops and the books. I’ll find them.
But still. I have these thoughts, and I have the strong sense that maybe…just maybe…other moms feel this way too. And they’re afraid or not even sure how to voice them. No one wants to be the homeschool mom that Everyone Knows Should Quit. So we stuff it. At the risk of losing my placement at the top of the imaginary pedestal I feel I am on, I am sharing my thoughts today.
These are the inmost thoughts of a Homeschool Mom.
Here is what I believe homeschool moms think, but don’t say.
- “This isn’t fun right now.” I imagine there may be some moms who enjoy every single second of homeschooling. Though somehow I doubt it. Because for my part, I “enjoy” homeschooling in the same way I “enjoy” running. It’s hard, and sweaty, and at any given moment I might rather be curled up in a cozy napping ball. But I like it because it’s worth it. Because it’s doing something that matters, that is worthwhile, and that gives me great pride when I finish the race and say, “Wow. That was incredible, and I’m so glad I did it.”
- “This house is a disaster.” Someone told me before I homeschooled, “Well, you just have to get used to your house not being clean. Because you can’t homeschool and have a clean house. ” In my head I thought, “Well, too bad she’s not as clean as I am.” Bahaha! Whoever you are, I’m very sorry and you were right. All the messes do get to me. I need to work better at getting the kids to put away their previous mess before we start the new one. And maybe just permanently mount the vacuum in the schoolroom.
- “My kid is behind.” It’s scary to have a classroom of one. I’ll have these panic moments where I think, EVERY OTHER FIRST GRADER CAN CODE THINGS. I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT CODING IS. SAM IS SO BEHIND.
- “My kid is ahead.” More often than not – I’ll never say it out loud – but I’m pleased with our progress. Sam is reading The Hardy Boys at bedtime, and painting these precious little masterpieces, and sitting patiently through The Life Story Of Bach and Ty loves math flashcards and sounding out words..I’m proud of my kids.
- “Yet this is pure chaos.” I have these moments…Ellie is clawing my leg in a snotty tantrum because I won’t let her eat the markers. Ty is throwing a tantrum because he’s evidently too tired to color a square. And Sam is bouncing a basketball (loudly) that somehow made its way into the schoolroom. And I just laugh. Actually I cry. In my head I thought homeschooling would be more orderly and efficient than a real classroom. But no. It just has different kinds of distractions.
- “Is it bad that we’re done school already?” I’ve gotten better with this one, but it will still creep up on me. Some magical days when we’ve finished everything by like 11:30, and the boys are making a bear trap in the front yard…It will terrify me for a second, and I feel like I’m missing something…and then I realize, no, we’ve done the other stuff. A rope and stick bear trap is exactly what they should be doing right now.
- “I’m the wrong person to do this.” I had the most fantastic revelation this week. I realized that there is actually no perfect homeschool personality. Intrinsic to every unique person are specific strengths and weaknesses. Specific things that suit you well for homeschool, and specific weaknesses that make you just awful at it. I might not ever spend all day reading novels, and I don’t hand-craft pyramid replicas. But I’m terrific at planning our curricula, I know how to explain something, and I’m a good encourager. Of course, this doesn’t mean I don’t try to improve my pyramid-making skills. I do. I work emphatically on my weaknesses, to be the best teacher my kids could ever have. But I do so confidently, happily. Without feeding the nagging condemnation that “I’m just not cut out for this.”
- There’s something else I’d rather be doing. Ah, yes. I have realized that homeschool moms, like any other work-at-home employee, are tempted by The Things Calling Your Name Around The House. To work at home in any capacity means that, yes, the dishes and the laundry and the badly decorated guest room will call your name. And you just have to get some earplugs.
- I am so, so glad my kids aren’t in school. I often see the school buses, or pass the school buildings, and I am absolutely overcome with gratitude that I have my children with me. Not in a weird, helicopter-parent, Amish sort of way. But just in a, this feels right. I type this knowing that one day I may drop off my children at a school. No judgment. But I’m just telling you, I am so completely thrilled that my children are with me, and not in school.
- Is it bad if I’m not enjoying this moment? I have a lot of guilt for not *enjoying* every minute of homeschool. I mean, I chose this life. Why in the world did I choose it if I didn’t LOVE it? Does it mean I’ve made a mistake? And on and on. Then I remember. I didn’t love every minute of being a teacher before, and yet never for one instance doubted my calling in this vocation. It never stressed me out if I didn’t enjoy EVERY. SINGLE. MINUTE. Work is work; that’s why it’s called “work.” I have chosen to surrender my days and my gym workouts, and my solo Target runs, and my laundry days – to my children. I have given this happily, and I should not be shocked or confused when it hurts sometimes. Yes, in my very carnal flesh I would often prefer sitting under my heating blanket, alone, eating frozen pizzas and checking Facebook. But is this really the life I want? (Well, every so often wouldn’t hurt.) But seriously. No, it is not in the long run the life I want. I want to teach my children. I want to know them, to invest in them. And this is a sacrifice that might cost my momentary pleasure, but this doesn’t for a second mean it’s not worth doing.
Are you a homeschooling mom? Do you identify with any of these silent thoughts?
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Hi there. Not a home schooling mom, just staying home with 2 babies right now and caring for our house. I can relate to a lot of those thoughts at this point in time. What does that say for when we get to schooling age and homeschool…? Trying not to get discouraged before we start, only 6 months in.
Definitely not a homeschooling mom here, but I love this article. Don’t dare delete it… Speak Truth… This is your life. I love it… I love you….
This is pretty much spot on! This is my third year homeschooling my 4 kiddos, and I have thought all of those things. When I get discouraged about the huge bite out of my life this is taking, I remind myself that it is also such a short time in their life, and mine. (And what else could I possibly be doing that would actually be more important?) I know that I will not regret any of it one single bit when they’re grown and on their own. Thanks for the encouragement. 🙂
We are in our first year of homeschooling, and YES to all of the above. Especially when it’s like pulling teeth to try to get my son to want to do his reading lessons. Even though I know quitting isn’t an option, I never expected to be tempted by the thought. But for all that, I love it and am thankful I have this opportunity.
i definitely have these thoughts but I don’t always have the self-control to keep them quiet 😉
Thank you for sharing your ups and downs! I believe all stay at home parents are “home schoolers” whether it’s a formal decision or not. My babies are 3 and a half and 19 months and I feel these same things so often. (The part about pizzas in bed and Facebook has been ringing true a lot lately.) It can seem easier to give up and send them off to a daycare or something but I just know that’s not right for us right now. It’s so encouraging to read another moms joys and struggles to be reminded that I am not alone. Thank you!
Yep. To all of them. And we’re only halfway through year 2! My favorite would have to be the chaos one though, because I regularly teach holding the one year old, while the not-quite-five year old decides he hates coloring (or singing, or whatever it is that he normally loves), and the six year old rolls his eyes like a teenager and wants me to get on with things. My two year old has taken to “reading” by herself in the other room lately. Probably because it’s quieter there!
So yes. Absolutely true.
Yes! Yes! Yes! I homeschool my 4 little kids, and have been working at it for several years now. My oldest has actually only just started grade school “officially” this year, but he’s reading at beyond a 3rd grade level, and I am so proud of him. All of our hard work has been paying off! It is a struggle a lot of days, but I love it. We had an exceptionally difficult start to our “school year” this year. We moved in September, huge life change! Very stressful in and of itself, but we found out that I am pregnant with number 5, 2 weeks before the move! So between bouts of morning sickness, and now needing naps nearly evry day, it has been a tough year. I know there is a baby coming in just two months, and we do veggie gardening heavily to feed our family, and that season is fast approaching! We have accomplished a lot, but there are days that I doubt. Wouldn’t it be easier if..?? But that’s not the point. This was never supposed to be about easy, it was about doing what we felt was right and best for our kids, and inspite of all of the difficulties, I see the benefits far outweigh anything else. My kids were able to be there for their baby brother’s ultrasound, they’ve been able to come to doctors appointments with me, and talk about an education! They understand far more about pregnancy and baby deleopement than I did when I was pregnant with my first! You are right, you are not alone. Keep doing what is best for YOUR family, not necessarily what society tells you to do.
Thank you for your honesty. I have been homeschooling for eight years now, and I have felt all of the same things you mentioned here. Currently, I feel like we are not doing enough and that I am way behind on correcting the work they have done. Also, I just realized that my four year old (the fifth and last of our children) is way behind her siblings at this age, due to my neglect to acknowledge that she really is no longer a baby. I suppose all of us moms struggle with that last child syndrome:) I could go on, but just know you are right on in this post. That bit about not wanting anyone to know that we are the mom everyone knows should quit is how I feel most days. We can get so isolated in our experience that we have nothing to measure ourselves against. As in most things, I believe community is the key.
I can identify with every single one of these! I am in my last year after 11 years of homeschooling. Looking back, I can honestly say it was the most demanding yet rewarding thing I’ve ever done. As I look at my 21 year old (firefighter and EMT going to paramedic school) and my 17 year old (senior taking college classes and preparing to go to the Middle East) I realize it was the best decision we ever made! Hang in there, moms of little ones! The days may seem long, but the years quickly go by in a blur and before you know it, sadly, it’s over 🙁
I am a homeschool mom to 4 amazing children. These thought race through my head everyday! I have to step back and look at the bigger picture of why we have chosen to homeschool and it’s not about me it’s about my kids. Great post! Thank you!
Me first year of homeschooling and most days I feel like I’m failing miserably and my daughter is going to resent me someday. Thank you so much for this. Sometimes I feel so alone, but this was a nice reminder that I’m not.