10 Things A Man Needs To Be Happy (Written By My Man)

What’s up blog readers.  I’m Todd…Jessica’s husband.  The calm, patient, funny, handy hero you’ve been reading about in all of Jessica’s posts over the last few years.  I figured it was about time you read something that could change your perspective about your husband.  Seriously, this journey we are about to embark on is life-changing…in the “oh-snap-that’s-why-my-husband-escapes-to-Lowe’s-so much” kind of way.

Here’s my list of 10 things that I need to be generally happy in life.

This list will obviously be different for every man.  I’m generally quiet (unless I’m needed to be the life of the party), genuinely like order/scheduled activities (and also complete chaos at other times), never a party/event planner (always true) and always try to confuse Jessica on the Meyers Briggs test.  You get my drift? We men are diverse creatures. Anywho, here’s my list:

• A capable wife. I need someone who can handle the home front so that I can go out and do what I need to do to make money.  Somebody who can manage the household so I don’t have to worry about cooking, picking up groceries, etc.  This would stress me out.
• Some type of physical outlet – hiking, running, fishing, playing soccer, etc…
• A Mental outlet – time when I can just relax and not have to think about anything. For me, grilling, watching football, fishing, watching Netflix each night, etc…  I’m in the customer service industry and I’m paid to talk, email, think, etc… all day.  Most men only have a certain amount of words in a day that can be used before they run out.  I am one of those.
• Alone time.  Nuff said.  With 3 kids that are full speed all day I need some time to myself every once in a while to think.  An activity which is incredibly difficult for me. Ha.
• Things we can get done – a “to-do” list.  This is real important.  It’s actually helpful if your wife gives you a to-do list. We need to accomplish projects – church projects, house projects, fixing a door, changing light bulbs, installing a garden, painting, repairing an oven, installing a baby monitor.  Something other than your job. I need to have a list around the house of items that my wife needs me to accomplish. It feels great when I can do something for my wife – mentally and emotionally it’s a very positive thing.
• Someone who I can confide in other than your wife.  I only have a few friends.  I’m not a social butterfly and don’t need much interaction from others to survive, but I do need someone to hear about stuff I’m struggling.  This person also needs to be able to hear me vent about work, stress, etc.  This person needs to be someone who understands what you’re going through.  I have a few friends that are familiar with the landscaping industry that I work in and it’s great to have an outlet with someone who understand.  Don’t get me wrong I’ve learned that I need to take some time every day to interact and invest in my relationship with my wife.  Talking to your wife is great, but you need someone else to bounce problems and ideas off of.

• Beer in the fridge.  This is big for me.  I drink cheap beer.  Some people drink expensive beer.  It’s fine either way.  There are days that I need to come home and crack open a cold one (the temperature is generally just as important as the availability).  It was a great day when we got a new fridge and I was able to convince my wife to move our old fridge to our garage.  My justification was that we could get rid of the small freezer we had out in the garage and get additional space for beer.  There’s something about a fridge full of beer that also makes me a bit more social than i would be.
• As a dad, you need well-balanced interactions with your kids. You can’t just solely be the disciplinarian or the “Mr. Fun” around the house.  You need to do projects with them, tell them when they’ve done a great job, have fun with them and let them see you laugh, read to them and also set some ground rules when order needs to be restored.  I know that a father’s voice in a child’s life really makes an impact.  Maybe in 5 years I’ll be able to actually articulate what that means for my 2nd blog post.
• You need to have success at work.  I would get very discouraged if I wasn’t successful at work.  It’s also a huge help if you actually like your job. I’ve had friends that hate their job and it takes a toll.
• Fishing.  Did i mention that already?  I’m terrible at it, but it’s been rewarding seeing my son’s Sam and Ty take an interest in wrangling with some 1/2 lb bass on a line.  It was a very proud moment when he caught his first fish with me.  We were fishing last summer and I asked Sam if he was having a good time.  His response was that even if we didn’t catch anything he just liked getting to hang out with me.  That made me want to find a new spot to fish with him every weekend.  Fishing doesn’t have to be the activity, but there’s something you and your kids could get involved in that you could find that allows you to spend quality time together.

I tried to research a bit to see (for 20 minutes one night) if there were any other blogs out there that put together some type of list like this.  I did not find anything other than “items” or “things” every man needs, which is a waste of time.  I think this is important, though.

So thanks for reading my list. And your husband thanks you, too.

Note from Jessica: Well, isn’t he a sweetie pie? Honestly, I knew some of the things would be on this list. But I was really shocked by #1. It was convicting, exciting, and humbling to hear that Todd notices the kind of “homemaker” I am. I didn’t move things around on this list. It was number one. I know that I can be a blessing to him by the kind of home he comes home to every night. But now that I think about it, I know this is true.

He notices (and likes) when I clean out the closet.

He notices (and likes) when we’ve all made cookies for him.

He notices (and likes) when dinner is ready, and there’s a meal plan, and we don’t have to run out every day to grab some random ingredient.

Obviously I don’t know your husband, and family dynamics are different. But I have a suggestion. Ask your husband what he needs.

And if there are areas you’d like to improve on, don’t go lock yourself in a closet eating Dove chocolates (unless you need to. Sometimes you just need to.) But seriously, don’t despair. Set some goals for yourself. I’m sure you’re better at some things than you even realize!

 

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