Tonight at the pool two sweet neighbors were chatting with me about our first day of homeschool. I relayed the day’s successes and stresses, answered a few curious questions about how many hours a day we ACTUALLY do school (that seems to be a popular inquiry from the onlookers) and then – It came. I saw the look. Saw the shaking of the head, the brief imagining of the possibility…
Well, I could never homeschool. Ever. No way. And the laughing-away the craziness.
I never exactly know what to say. Because what I want to say isn’t very casual or conversational.
And it is this.
I thank my lucky stars and the One who made them that I can homeschool. It is the greatest gift of my life.
But actually, I am no different than you. I am no superhero. I am a person with limited patience, with the desire to check my email and pee at whim, and with the profound frustration at a child who suddenly is “too tired” to color ONE TINY RENDITION OF A SQUARE.
I long for adult conversation. I carry with me the constant nagging questions of, “Am I doing enough?” and the tremendous burden of a little one’s education, all on my shoulders. It is HARD to stay focused, and harder still to keep a six-year-old focused.
It is the most rewarding, fulfilling, beautiful job I have never gotten paid for. I wake up EVERY. SINGLE. MORNING. with the same two thoughts:
- Thank you, God, from the depths of of my heart that today is another day.
- God, PLEASE, help me do this.
Because here is the thing. (The thing you might have experienced, too?) This year, with these children, I have been given a calling. And when I fall on my knees in the morning by the old green tapestried couch, He hears me. He gives me strength to do the Hard. And to do it with grace and gratitude.
And He also provides other things. I need Him, and I also need (I have discovered) a frozen pizza periodically, at the end of the day. I need my husband (as a recent text may or may not have expressed) TO GET THE HECK HOME. NOW. I need music on. Lots of music. And I also need more God-grace moments where you all learn, together, that some magnificent creatures live in total darkness in cracks of the core of the ocean (!). These little moments fill you, and keep you going. The truth?
The truth is, My Load is heavy for me, too. And it is by the grace of God I carry it.
I realized packing up the pool towels yesterday that actually, I was a hypocrite. My mind wandered back uncomfortably to a dinner party just last week, where an older-than-me single mom was relaying her stresses and trials in raising two responsible girls – ALONE. And me: “Oh, wow! I could NEVER!”
I saw it in her eyes right away. I saw that it wasn’t the right thing to say. She mumbled something about, “Well, it’s just what I have to do.”
I wonder if she felt a little like I did with the neighbor-ladies. Kind of Weird. Alone. Like maybe I was crazy for thinking I could do it, after all…
Guys, can we try something? If you meet someone doing something weird-ish and brave, what if instead of saying, “Wow, I could never…” raise a special needs child / be married to a soldier / have twins / care for an aging parent / deal with that chronic illness / etc/ etc/ …
What if we said this instead?
- Wow, that must be really challenging at times. Tell me about it.
- I think you’re doing something really incredible. That’s amazing!
- I know this might sound weird for asking, but, is there any way I could help? I love what you’re doing!
Maybe I could track down my new single-mom friend and try giving her one of these lines. Along with a frozen pizza, of course. Just in case she needs it.
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Wow. What a great post. As a first time mom, planning to homeschool this is a great post. I have many friends who homeschool and I think this would hit home for them. “The truth is My Load is heavy for me, too. And it is by the grace of God I carry it.” perfect. Our load should always be too heavy for our own shoulders, so we can rely on God always every single homeschool day. Thank you for your true thoughts and the encouragement to be mindful of our tongues.
I agree. I think that the statement “I could never…” just shuts down further conversation. It’s just a dead end statement where the other person doesn’t know how to reply because they feel like you’ve now called them a saint or a martyr. Or both. I like your suggestion to admit that it seems challenging and to ask if the other person wants to share.
Yes, yes, yes! I am both guilty of doing this to others as well as feeling like a loner/weirdo when others say to me. We just need more encouragement – to give and receive.
Thank you so much for this post! My husband and I get SO Very tired of hearing “Wow, You’ve got your hands full!” We always banter back and forth with each other how to answer this horrific statement… ” I’m so very thankful for these blessings!” Or ” Yes I do, why don’t you give me hand!”
Mom of 4
I totally agree. That comment always bothers me.
As an older woman who raised 3 sons, home-schooling was not ever mentioned as an option, and the elementary school my sons attended and where I volunteered seemed to be doing a fine job. I was less happy with their junior and senior high schools. Now, however, I consider our public school systems to be woefully inadequate in preparing our children for life in the “real” world. My comment when I meet (not nearly often enough) a home-schooling parent, is along the lines of, “I take off my hat to you; that must take soooo much self-discipline and hard work on your part,” and we usually have an interesting conversation. I am, however, THINKING that I would never be able to ever home-school: I’m not smart enough (how can I teach someone chemistry or physics or math when I don’t understand it myself?), I don’t have the self-discipline for everyday lessons, and I don’t have the patience to keep my kids on track without losing my temper and my mind. So just maybe the people who say this to you are actually meaning to compliment you. I do appreciate knowing that you are all-too-human, too, but I’m not sure you home-schoolers truly appreciate how remarkable you all really are. Blessings to you all!!
As a widowed mother of two, I do hear that comment a lot. My answer is usually something like you’d be surprised what you can do when you have to. I would never have imagined myself in this situation, but we’re making it. I don’t love getting this comment, but I really don’t let it bother me that often. Sometimes, it’s even a reminder to me of how strong I am, because I am doing something that a lot of people thing they can’t do and I thought I couldn’t do. So, I don’t let this sort of thing really bother me. Plenty of other things that bother me even more.
I don’t really see how it would be any kind of insult regarding homeschooling. There is a difference between choosing to do something and having to deal with a situation you have no control over (spouse dying, special needs kid, twins, aging parent). But deciding to homeschool is a choice and one that many people wouldn’t make because they know it’s not for them. How does someone expressing that they could not do that and wouldn’t make that choice somehow become a negative for you? Not trying to be argumentative, just trying to understand the rationalization here.
some may make a choice to do it for many reasons but for me and I know many others, we truly feel that it is a calling the Lord has placed on our lives. Just as if he would call someone else to be a dr, mechanic, nurse, farmer, etc.
Therefore for me it isn’t an option or id be in disobedience to the Lord I love and serve. Btw, I’m thankful for the calling. Can’t imagine myself doing anything else. While there are hard days, the good outweigh the bad. My hats off to you. As a Widowed mom, I’m sure you have challenges you face that we know nothing about. But I’m certain that you can relate in that the good tend to outweigh the bad. Blessings to you and your family. 🙂
Yes! I’ve had the Homeschool Conversation with a few friends who declare they just don’t have the patience, or “gifting” for it. I feel like saying, “Neither do I!” but I don’t want to make them feel like I’m judging them. It really is all by the grace of God.
“He give me strength to do the Hard. And to do it with grace and gratitude.” I’m doing the “Hard” right alongside you sister. That word will stay with me for as long as God directes me to homeschool my children. Thank you for the sweet reminder of our Savior’s gentle hand during these precious-few-short-but-sweet years of service to our children. You have been used by the Lord to touch more than your children’s lives. Glad I saw this post on fb, very hard day this day! So blessed…
Wow this totally hit a cord with me! I’ve been on both sides and said, “I could never” to the homeschooling mom and at the same time had a stay-at-home who home-schooled her 4 adopted children tell me she didn’t know how as a single mom I could work and go to school to which I said, you just do it.
What a beautiful point you make here! I will make a better effort to not say that next time I am in this situation because really all things are possible, right?
Amen!
Jessica! Your insights and your writing continues to amaze me and challenge me. I love the ideas of what to say instead, and I’m hugely convicted. You’re so right! I can’t wait to try this.
I’ve heard this often, as I’m the mom of 11 children, but have never stopped to consider how that one statement does make me feel awkward and alone. Thank you for the suggestions! I will definitely remember the next time I’m tempted to make another mom feel that way.
I just found your blog and that was a really sweet post. I used to pray those same things you do. Thank-you God that I get to do this and Please help me God!..lol. My youngest of six is now in his last year of homeschooling. God definitely helped me and still does! Enjoy the time with your little ones. I have no regrets. The time flew and I can look back now and say that I as so thankful for those years I had with them. My children now are 31, 28, 26, 23, 20 and 17. They are my best friends, attend the same church with us with the exception of our 28 year old son who is a Marine – Homeschooled and all!..lol. God Bless you. I will look forward to reading more!