Parenting an Introverted Child Well

I have to credit the idea for this post to Jamie of Simple Homeschool, who recently posted, “On the Introverted Mom Homeschooling Extroverted Children.” I think she hit spot-on with how many moms feel after spending extended amounts of time with their children!

Now, I’m not running a homeschool (yet). But as I’ve stewed over Jamie’s posts the last few weeks, I realized how much I’ve learned parenting my two very different children.

Ty just turned two, and Sam is not even four. So take with a grain of salt my simplistic labels of “extroverted” and “introverted.” I know first-hand how frustrating and complicated it can be to try to figure out “which one of these” you are, and I’m a grown-up woman.

At the same time, as I’ve been trying my hardest to be the best mommy ever to Sam and Ty, I’m realizing how differently they each need to be loved, disciplined, and nurtured.

Since day one, Sam (our oldest) has kept us entertained, terrified, engaged, laughing, exhausted. If he wasn’t keeping our attention with his endless stories and make-believe play, we were rushing him to the doctor for asthma or allergies. One drama after another!

Parenting Ty (our youngest) has not been quite as eventful.

He’s just as hilarious, but you have to listen more closely to get the joke.

He has just as many needs and wants and plans, but it’s hard to notice them sometimes over the rodeo display created by the (ahem) rest of the family.

A few days ago, we had a horrible situation in our house, and it really woke me up to Ty and his particular needs.

It started after Ty got a vaccination. After his shot he was feverish and fussy. I didn’t pay too much attention to it.

The next day my mom observed, “He’s just not feeling well, is he? He must be getting sick.”

When he woke up Sunday, he was definitely under the weather, a little feverish, and not wanting to do much. But again, he wasn’t making all that much fuss, so I took him to church. We were halfway through church when I realized, Ty is not feeling well at all. We left early and I put him down for a nap.

Around 4:00, Ty woke up from his nap and I was holding him, he felt really, really hot. I (finally) took his temperature.

104.8 degrees.

I just about flipped. I jumped up, called the doctor, called my mom, got my stuff in a bag to go to Urgent Care.

Thirty minutes later, we had the diagnosis: Influenza B. Strep throat.  AND a double ear infection.

I just sobbed. The poor little guy!

Last night after giving him his bath he was so ill and weak, his little body was shivering and shaking for twenty minutes afterwards.

Rocking him in his chair, I whispered a vow, and a prayer, and a confession all twisted up together.

I asked the Lord to forgive me for not paying attention to Ty’s quiet needs. I prayed that God would open my eyes and heart to how to better shepherd this little life, with so much potential. So gentle, so bright, so clever and kind and brave. I prayed and believed the great potential Ty has to be something huge, something amazing.

How does a mom foster such greatness in a child like Ty?

I’ve had a few ideas:

• Pay attention. All children do need you; some yell, and some whisper. Ty will say to me, “Mommy, come see!” in this sweet little voice. I have been trying with all I have to come running. He doesn’t say it often. I gush, and give him a hug, and wow over the “tall tower” or “I made a line!” or whatever blessing he is sharing.
• Realize the power of a parent to encourage relationships. Ty does not talk incessantly. I have realized that he brightens up like a flower when I listen to him…He talks more. If I ignore him, he’s quiet, mostly. I love the idea that I can help him in these formative years to realize: I’m important. The things I say, matter. I see this happening before my eyes and it is so fulfilling.
• Don’t expect him to be happy when you drag him all over the place. Looking back to Ty’s infancy, there were many days (usually vacations or busy days) where he was miserable and clingy for no “good” reason. It dawned on me the other day: Although he loves his family, Ty just doesn’t like all that commotion sometimes. He just needs his mom to be with him, just him.
• Don’t make a big deal out of it when he’s not up to doing his “tricks” for strangers. I’ll be honest…it really irks me when I hear moms say, “Baby, why are you being shy? She’s always so shy around strangers!” The one thing my mom has engrained in us regarding parenting is: they hear you. They know what you’re saying! I swear Sam was about eight days old when I complained about something and she said, “Hush! He senses that you’re saying that!!” But I think she’s right. These “explanations,” uttered to adults, often become absorbed into truth for listening ears and developing personalities. And I find the reverse is often true – ignore it, and it’ll disappear.
• Stop, and invest time. What wonderful blessings I’ve reaped when I stop my silly busy-ness to sit on the floor with Ty and watch him play with blocks. And you know the funny thing? After a mere half an hour together of my time, it’s amazing how much happier he is during the day…the tantrums lessen, the whining disappears…it’s like his needs are met and he’s satisfied! (That’s what I like to think, anyway!)

Are your children similar in personality? How do you love your “milder” child?

 

 

 

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