On Discussing Politics

A week ago my husband and I cozied up in bed to watch the first Presidential debate of 2020. My oldest son (11) is fascinated by politics and wants to be a lawyer, so, on a whim, I raced upstairs to get him out of bed to watch with us. This proved to be a decision I regret more than I savor. Who would have known he would be introduced to not one but two profanities in this medium?

For sure, he was entertained. We all were…at first. The next morning, having given him a taste of that debate, I thought I’d show him some of the memorable moments from past debates. I stumbled on this video, Best Moments in Presidential Debate History.

Wow. The contrast was stunning, and sad. At some point in that video, you will look longingly at a wonderful face from old and think to yourself, “Now that is a President. We need more of that.” (Which face, which President, of course, will totally depend.)

You don’t need me to bemoan the reasons why the debate was sad. This horse has been sufficiently beat…and re-beat… on Twitter, memes, and Facebook.

So I will not add noise to that.

The quotation that keeps swirling around in my head is this one: “Every nation gets the government it deserves.” (Joseph De Maistre.) The two yelling, unkind, disrespectful candidates, unable to conduct a civil discussion…what if these men are simply a reflection… of us? And gosh, come to think of it, didn’t that debate kind of channel the vibe of social media in general in recent days? A little?

And I find myself wondering: what if politicians are more thermometer than thermostat? What if they tell us not what can happen but who we are? Ugh. That is not a warm thought.

But I believe there is hope! I believe you and I, and our children, can begin to rebuild this culture. Our efforts feel small, but they matter.

I mean, I know this. I am a mother. I have bet my grown life on the premise that small, mundane actions can change the world. Good grief, I say the same things hundreds of times in a week, and by the time it’s over I will have made 17,000 meals for the same five people. Yes, I have to believe that small, mundane acts can make great changes in society. Little deeds, done faithfully over time, can erect great changes. So don’t think you and your little family are powerless.

Here is where I am starting.

I am making my new goal to be simultaneously the kindest and most articulate member of my political party. What would it look like to be at the same moment both thoroughly loving, and also full of conviction? We have somehow subconsciously determined you must be one or the other: Either you are nice and undecided, or passionate and a jerk. I have been reading more than I ever have, from all sides. Listening to podcasts, from all sides. Not to accept everything BUT TO HAVE A FIRM AND ACTUAL POSITION. My new/old hero is that jolly G.K. Chesterton, who would debate his opponents fiercely…and then merrily drag them to a pub to laugh and drink beer. (Don’t we need more of this?)

I fully realize things get heated when talking politics. And this coming from the person who hears, “Honey? Can you stop yelling at me?” when I am merely recapping my day. I get passionate about the sauces at Viva Chicken (hello, yellow), the volume level of the TV, the right way to load the dishwasher…So, yeah, I get passion.

But here is my commitment when talking politics.

1. Know what I believe. This takes work but it is very gratifying to have actual facts and not just a vague hunch that some one / some thing is bad.
2. Talk about what I believe. (Like actual conversations. Not Facebook threads.)

Conversations are important. We have HUGE issues facing our country and we NEED to be able to interact with one another civilly regarding these things. (Especially in the church, I’ll add.) And when we do converse, here are a few goals I have for myself.

• Talk with a person you actually have a substantive relationship with.
• Talk when you can actually see this person’s face. Or hear their voice, on a phone. Like a weirdo.
• Continue to be friends afterwards. Not fake friends. Real friends.

It is far easier to be disgusted by the behavior of our politicians than to take ownership. But we are not powerless to change the culture we see.

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