just a bunch of funny things from today

Some days are funnier in retrospect. Here’s what happens on some of these days, like today, for instance.

Someone’s up at 4:50. In the morning. For the day. Hint: This person is not a parent or guardian. Second hint: This person did NOT want socks on, was NOT thirsty, most definitely did not want his diaper changed, but oddly, was pacified by clunking a box of blocks in the dark. Guess he woke up with an architectural vision.
Consequently, everyone is dressed and eating oatmeal by 6:30, eating lunch at 11, having meltdowns at 10:30 in the morning, dinner at five, and in bed at 6:30. Thank you, daylight savings time.
Good news = you made cookies. Bad news = afternoon snack was globs of cookie dough for everyone. Whoops.
It was the best idea you had all day to lug a fifty-pound muddy outdoor basketball hoop into the living room.
You make a doctor appointment because you think your son has MERSA, only to realize the skin disease in question were ant bites. Oh, wait, that doesn’t ever happen to you? Oh.
Somehow the idea of making a plate of seconds is really tiring, and a better idea is to eat bite-sized chunks of BBQ pork right off of a one-year-old’s high chair. Look, he wasn’t going to eat them anyway.
By the time the sun sets, you will have broken up six fights over a plastic lug nut-remover. At least the time that blood was drawn, the perpetrator promised he would never, ever scratch anyone again, “unless it was a really bad person who came into our house with a sword.” Mark that one down in the “win” category, I guess.
Sweeping the floor is like a bittersweet trip down memory lane. Ahhh, I remember the raisins. That was a good snack. Oh, THERE’S marker lid. When did we use cue tips??? Oh, yeah, when Ty got cookie dough in his belly button…
You realize while cleaning up the day’s wreckage that someone apparently occupied himself for solid amount of time with half a bag of rubber bands and a log of metal staples. Mother of year, right here.
You find wooden spoons all over and honestly cannot remember if someone was making soup or got a spanking.
You hear ferocious dinosaur jumps and various other “cool tricks” coming from the bedroom of the one who was “too tired” to carry his water bottle to bed. (?!?)
And, lastly, at the end of said day, you fish through the freezer to reheat a freezer-burnt peanut-butter brownie from six months ago. {Update: this was one of the sub-par ideas of the day. Just as a word of advice.}