It’s official…

I’m a mom. a woman. a grown-up. here’s how I know.
– I lather on hand lotion religiously, trying to avoid those scary moments where I look down at the dry and wrinkled hands and think, “Are those MINE?”
– Getting the mail is an outing.
– I confess to pulling my jeans UP, not down. It just feels better that way.
– I find myself deliberating whether tankinis are really as bad as we thought they were.
– Dinner is never complete without, in those haunting words of my mother, “a little piece of chocolate.”
– Chapstick is makeup, right?
– The words “Express: Two Day Sale” don’t excite me nearly as much as “triple coupon week.”
– Just as I feared, I eat my lunch at 10:30, my dinner at 4, and eat as many chocolate chips, Cheeze-its and bagel bites as I want in between.
– Life genuinely looks better after coffee.
– My feigned excitement for the trash truck, getting the mail, the vacuum cleaner, the shower, and the singing duck is so authentic that these things have actually become highlights of my day.
– Going to the bathroom is kind of an enjoyable break in the day.
– Someone actually told me (as a compliment) “you smell nice, like baby lotion.”
– In public I’m tempted to eye down “the teenagers” to see what’s in style. And I hate what I see.
– I have no idea what songs are on, clothes are in, movies are out…and I’m okay with that.
– There’s still the same amount of me as before, but parts of me moved from places I wanted it to places I didn’t want it.
– I still can’t make it 9 hours without waking up to check on someone’s breathing.
– My life is more lame, less social, more tiring, and less glamorous than it ever has been, and I love it more than ever 🙂

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